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Concept of rank - what an earth is so difficult in it?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 612632" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I think, in fact I'm sure, that my difficult child intellectually gets the concept of rank. He also recognizes that not respecting rank gets you into trouble. And, heaven forbid, he even agrees that rank is necessary - when it comes to others. When it comes to himself, it seems he always ends up stuck to what we call "there is an error in the world"-situation.</p><p></p><p>I can't count how many times I have tried to reason with him about the matter over the years. Done everything right. Waited till he was in the good mood. Took him the calm place. Asked how he saw the situation, listened and worded his thoughts and feelings back to him. Made questions to help him think the other side of things. Slowly and carefully guided him through the process with excess empathy. Asked his solutions to the situation, guided them to more reasonable direction. Got him there and it all seemed so awesome and I was ready to pat my own back for job well done. And BOOOOM! "It is still stupid/shouldn't be like that/is still wrong, though!" And back we were in the beginning. Argh!</p><p></p><p>Okay, he is a big boy now and that isn't my responsibility any more. But doesn't mean he would be learning on his own either.</p><p></p><p>My whelp do have the social skills to easily fake respect for rank (after all, faking it is what most people do anyway, so faking it is mostly considered acceptable), but he doesn't want to. Or at the moment may be too anxious or stressed to do so. With him it is all too easy to forget that what he can do sometimes or usually may be very different from what he is capable when anxious or stressed. His anxiety, PTSD and dissociative symptoms are very real and distracting for him and effecting what he can or can't in any given moment even though he is very good at hiding and masking those issues. I know they are there. I know they are bad. Still even I can easily forget them and not to even remember to consider how they affect his ability to do things in any given moment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 612632, member: 14557"] I think, in fact I'm sure, that my difficult child intellectually gets the concept of rank. He also recognizes that not respecting rank gets you into trouble. And, heaven forbid, he even agrees that rank is necessary - when it comes to others. When it comes to himself, it seems he always ends up stuck to what we call "there is an error in the world"-situation. I can't count how many times I have tried to reason with him about the matter over the years. Done everything right. Waited till he was in the good mood. Took him the calm place. Asked how he saw the situation, listened and worded his thoughts and feelings back to him. Made questions to help him think the other side of things. Slowly and carefully guided him through the process with excess empathy. Asked his solutions to the situation, guided them to more reasonable direction. Got him there and it all seemed so awesome and I was ready to pat my own back for job well done. And BOOOOM! "It is still stupid/shouldn't be like that/is still wrong, though!" And back we were in the beginning. Argh! Okay, he is a big boy now and that isn't my responsibility any more. But doesn't mean he would be learning on his own either. My whelp do have the social skills to easily fake respect for rank (after all, faking it is what most people do anyway, so faking it is mostly considered acceptable), but he doesn't want to. Or at the moment may be too anxious or stressed to do so. With him it is all too easy to forget that what he can do sometimes or usually may be very different from what he is capable when anxious or stressed. His anxiety, PTSD and dissociative symptoms are very real and distracting for him and effecting what he can or can't in any given moment even though he is very good at hiding and masking those issues. I know they are there. I know they are bad. Still even I can easily forget them and not to even remember to consider how they affect his ability to do things in any given moment. [/QUOTE]
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Concept of rank - what an earth is so difficult in it?
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