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General Parenting
concerned and worried about difficult child 2... Hoping for suggestions.
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 451570" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Not that we've found "the" answers... but some things DO help...</p><p>1) get to the bottom of the self-esteem destroyers - which is what we are all trying to do... everything from non-diagnosed problems to finding right supports to bullying to... </p><p></p><p>2) find something that this kid is <u>good at</u> and <u>loves to do</u>. (not always the same things!) Then, go out of your way to find ways to support that, grow it, make it multi-faced, find ways for them to shine, etc. Nothing helps self-esteem so much as a positive label.</p><p></p><p>3) once you find ONE positive label, start looking for others. These always have to be things where the kid <u>is willing to admit</u> that they are good at it or where <u>multiple others recognize</u> their skill... but there should be multiples. "Wow - you sure cook (xxx) way better than I do... if you don't believe me, ask the rest of the family because they don't want my recipe any more!" </p><p></p><p>4) review positive experiences... the times when THEY rescued YOU in a situation - had the right idea for a work project, knew where your keys were, etc. </p><p></p><p>Some book somewhere that I read way back when said something like this:</p><p>You can take away an Atta-boy with a Bad-boy, but you can't take away the memory of positive contributions.</p><p></p><p>Build self-esteem by finding ways to build a bank of postive memories of skills, helpfulness, kindness, etc.</p><p></p><p>We've had some success with this... not the whole answer but it does help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 451570, member: 11791"] Not that we've found "the" answers... but some things DO help... 1) get to the bottom of the self-esteem destroyers - which is what we are all trying to do... everything from non-diagnosed problems to finding right supports to bullying to... 2) find something that this kid is [U]good at[/U] and [U]loves to do[/U]. (not always the same things!) Then, go out of your way to find ways to support that, grow it, make it multi-faced, find ways for them to shine, etc. Nothing helps self-esteem so much as a positive label. 3) once you find ONE positive label, start looking for others. These always have to be things where the kid [U]is willing to admit[/U] that they are good at it or where [U]multiple others recognize[/U] their skill... but there should be multiples. "Wow - you sure cook (xxx) way better than I do... if you don't believe me, ask the rest of the family because they don't want my recipe any more!" 4) review positive experiences... the times when THEY rescued YOU in a situation - had the right idea for a work project, knew where your keys were, etc. Some book somewhere that I read way back when said something like this: You can take away an Atta-boy with a Bad-boy, but you can't take away the memory of positive contributions. Build self-esteem by finding ways to build a bank of postive memories of skills, helpfulness, kindness, etc. We've had some success with this... not the whole answer but it does help. [/QUOTE]
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concerned and worried about difficult child 2... Hoping for suggestions.
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