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Confused about transitioning
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 276480" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I thought the plan called for you guys to have joint counseling for months before he is discharged. If so, you can address each issue. Also I think you met with his parole officer who told you he would be in close touch and available. Those two issues should be of help in lessening your fears.</p><p> </p><p>Have you written down a basic list of what rules are imperative? With teens (yes, lol, I know you don't want to hear it) less is more. Teens who have been exposed to a "rawer" life style will not go back to choirboy status...even if they originated that way. If you put a bunch of males together in a confined space (particularly adolescents) they are going to be more vulgar than a bunch of guys at a Batchelor Party. After a year or more of using four letter words and discussing vulgar issues the transition to the home will be hard. If they were willing to place him in a group home....the transition to your home would likely be impossible. There is an instiutionalization that takes place. Foster children, for example, cluster with other foster children when they are in facilities. They share a commonality that children who were raised in private homes usually do not grasp. </p><p> </p><p>It's great that you are making progress in finding yourself. It appears you are less anxious and over concerned about issues that you can no longer control. Those are positive steps. in my humble opinion now is not the time to think about saying "my kid can not come home" or "my kid can only come home if he can follow these ten rules" or or or. Your kid is not at home now. He is adapting to his new environment and following a bunch of rules that are not fun and not optional. He is being punished. He is getting (or will be) counseling. Perhaps dreaming of "coming home" is all that makes it work for him right now. He is changing. You are changing. When the time comes to make a choice it will be a choice made by a more mature Mom who is comfortable with herself. The process can't be rushed. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 276480, member: 35"] I thought the plan called for you guys to have joint counseling for months before he is discharged. If so, you can address each issue. Also I think you met with his parole officer who told you he would be in close touch and available. Those two issues should be of help in lessening your fears. Have you written down a basic list of what rules are imperative? With teens (yes, lol, I know you don't want to hear it) less is more. Teens who have been exposed to a "rawer" life style will not go back to choirboy status...even if they originated that way. If you put a bunch of males together in a confined space (particularly adolescents) they are going to be more vulgar than a bunch of guys at a Batchelor Party. After a year or more of using four letter words and discussing vulgar issues the transition to the home will be hard. If they were willing to place him in a group home....the transition to your home would likely be impossible. There is an instiutionalization that takes place. Foster children, for example, cluster with other foster children when they are in facilities. They share a commonality that children who were raised in private homes usually do not grasp. It's great that you are making progress in finding yourself. It appears you are less anxious and over concerned about issues that you can no longer control. Those are positive steps. in my humble opinion now is not the time to think about saying "my kid can not come home" or "my kid can only come home if he can follow these ten rules" or or or. Your kid is not at home now. He is adapting to his new environment and following a bunch of rules that are not fun and not optional. He is being punished. He is getting (or will be) counseling. Perhaps dreaming of "coming home" is all that makes it work for him right now. He is changing. You are changing. When the time comes to make a choice it will be a choice made by a more mature Mom who is comfortable with herself. The process can't be rushed. DDD [/QUOTE]
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