Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
confused
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="AllStressedOut" data-source="post: 67508" data-attributes="member: 3837"><p>I recommend the neuropyscho evaluation too. We just had ours, but previously were diagnosed by a psychiatrist who had his PA see us every month. All she ever did was up doses and add medications. The kids were all wrecks by the end of this school year. We go in this week to hear the outcome of all 3 of our difficult children evaluations from the neuropysch. So while I technically don't have the knowledge under my belt yet, our neuropysch definately put more time into our kids than our psychiatrist in 1 visit vs. 1 year of montly visits with the psychiatrist. SAD!!!</p><p></p><p>Okay, onto you and SO. As for wldinnh's advice, I guess to each his own. I truly feel you and SO need to discuss your parenting strategies and come to a common ground. I dated a man for 3 years that couldn't get along with my oldest, but loved my youngest. I don't understand how a committed relationship can work, with children involved, if you don't work out your parenting together. You need to be a united front or the kids use that to their advantage. This is just my opinion, so take it for what it is. One thing that may have worked with this man, that I tried with my current husband is making the marshmellow the bad guy for a bit. What we did was if I felt the answer needed to be no (I was the bad guy usually and husband was the marshmellow) that I would say "Go ask Daddy" and he knew if I did this, he was to say no. It sounds like your SO is trying to tow the hard line here, why don't you let her have some time to soften up some. Let her decide if the answer should be no and if so, say go ask you and you say no. This gives you practice in how she thinks things should run and it lets her be the good guy for a bit. She may need this for a little while so her and difficult child can stop with their power struggle.</p><p></p><p>On the bad/hard side of things, in the beginning you need to avoid things that may cause meltdowns. If outtings seem to bring them about, it may mean you are renting a bunch of movies from Blockbuster for a bit.</p><p></p><p>If you and SO are committed to being together while the kiddos are young, I don't see how you can do anything but co-parent. To do this you have to come to a common ground.</p><p></p><p>My second suggestion is that you need to be your SOs "cheerleader" with difficult child. If they are having hard times dealing with eachother, you need to let difficult child know that you trust this person and that she does so many things for difficult child. Whatever it is, cooks, cleans, laundry, taxi etc. I've typed all this recently to another member and I'm having deja vu.</p><p></p><p>When the kids are in bed for the night and you and SO are relaxed and not upset about stuff, sit and talk about what she thinks and what you think. Let her know you want her to help you raise the kids, but you also want to be sure you aren't asking your difficult child to do things he isn't capable of. Like Ross Greene says, you can't ask someone who's wheelchair bound to walk up a flight of stairs, you have to figure out a way to get up there without using the stairs.</p><p></p><p>I am a self admitted control freak, I strongly believed if my difficult children were just parented right and I was just strict enough all would be fine. I've tried that for 4 years and realized, while the stability of our home helped tremendously and black and white guidelines did too, I still had to find a new way to parent them. Towing a hard line just made for more meltdowns and worse meltdowns.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helped some! Sorry for the book!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AllStressedOut, post: 67508, member: 3837"] I recommend the neuropyscho evaluation too. We just had ours, but previously were diagnosed by a psychiatrist who had his PA see us every month. All she ever did was up doses and add medications. The kids were all wrecks by the end of this school year. We go in this week to hear the outcome of all 3 of our difficult children evaluations from the neuropysch. So while I technically don't have the knowledge under my belt yet, our neuropysch definately put more time into our kids than our psychiatrist in 1 visit vs. 1 year of montly visits with the psychiatrist. SAD!!! Okay, onto you and SO. As for wldinnh's advice, I guess to each his own. I truly feel you and SO need to discuss your parenting strategies and come to a common ground. I dated a man for 3 years that couldn't get along with my oldest, but loved my youngest. I don't understand how a committed relationship can work, with children involved, if you don't work out your parenting together. You need to be a united front or the kids use that to their advantage. This is just my opinion, so take it for what it is. One thing that may have worked with this man, that I tried with my current husband is making the marshmellow the bad guy for a bit. What we did was if I felt the answer needed to be no (I was the bad guy usually and husband was the marshmellow) that I would say "Go ask Daddy" and he knew if I did this, he was to say no. It sounds like your SO is trying to tow the hard line here, why don't you let her have some time to soften up some. Let her decide if the answer should be no and if so, say go ask you and you say no. This gives you practice in how she thinks things should run and it lets her be the good guy for a bit. She may need this for a little while so her and difficult child can stop with their power struggle. On the bad/hard side of things, in the beginning you need to avoid things that may cause meltdowns. If outtings seem to bring them about, it may mean you are renting a bunch of movies from Blockbuster for a bit. If you and SO are committed to being together while the kiddos are young, I don't see how you can do anything but co-parent. To do this you have to come to a common ground. My second suggestion is that you need to be your SOs "cheerleader" with difficult child. If they are having hard times dealing with eachother, you need to let difficult child know that you trust this person and that she does so many things for difficult child. Whatever it is, cooks, cleans, laundry, taxi etc. I've typed all this recently to another member and I'm having deja vu. When the kids are in bed for the night and you and SO are relaxed and not upset about stuff, sit and talk about what she thinks and what you think. Let her know you want her to help you raise the kids, but you also want to be sure you aren't asking your difficult child to do things he isn't capable of. Like Ross Greene says, you can't ask someone who's wheelchair bound to walk up a flight of stairs, you have to figure out a way to get up there without using the stairs. I am a self admitted control freak, I strongly believed if my difficult children were just parented right and I was just strict enough all would be fine. I've tried that for 4 years and realized, while the stability of our home helped tremendously and black and white guidelines did too, I still had to find a new way to parent them. Towing a hard line just made for more meltdowns and worse meltdowns. Hope this helped some! Sorry for the book! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
confused
Top