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Constant Lying!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 324579" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I was led to believe that autistic kids (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, really) can't lie, so I was shocked when difficult child 3's teacher accused him of lying, quite clearly. Turns out the lie was "I didn't do it" when he clearly had, which is the simplest lie of all.</p><p></p><p>Often Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids can't cope with the idea of lying, it 'hurts' too much. But that doesn't always stop them trying. Other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are able to lie, but with poor social skills they often aren't good at it. That doesn't mean it's never possible for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to become accomplished at lying. Who knows? Maybe she's not that good at lying, maybe you're just worse than average at recognising it. As you see - it is very subjective, so I wouldn't rule out Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) just because you feel she lies a lot.</p><p></p><p>Multiple personality disorder - there is an increasing debate about whether this really exists, or is something that was imposed on the individual by a bad therapist who implanted the belief that this is what you have. But even those who agree that this exists will tell you that the "alters" won't tell you what to do and force you to do it against your will, they simply take over and you have periods where you simply are unaware. The person might 'wake up' miles from home dressed as an old woman, for example, with no recall of how they got there. Often one alter can be aware of another in charge but waiting for their chance to step into the limelight, while others are unaware. But you don't generally get mixed control - the "hearing voices" generally isn't multiple personality, from what I recall reading.</p><p></p><p>Be very wary of describing your observations of her in emotional terms or in terms that have you imposing your own interpretation. I worry when I read here that a parent has described their child as suddenly having an evil look in their eye, or a child who seems to emanate danger. Such statements can be very misleading - if you look at a baby concentrating hard as it fills its nappy, you could say the same thing about the look of intense red-faced concentration on that baby's face!</p><p></p><p>You CAN say that the child's face appears set, there appears to be a sudden major change in emotion in the expression on the child's face which appears to be at odds with events in the room at the time. But you can't really interpret more than that - after all, there could be a valid reason, from the child's point of view, for that change in mood.</p><p></p><p>I had a male neighbour (who made me feel uncomfortable at times since he seemed to want to talk about sexual matters with me a bit more than I felt was appropriate) who would accuse me of having a twinkle in my eye when I said something or other. But how can an eye twinkle, really? Eyes do not emit light, they only reflect light under certain conditions. A wide open eye has more surface available for reflection perhaps. A darker-looking eye in the opposite sex is judged to be more attractive, if the eye is darker because the pupil is dilated. This is because at a subconscious level we associate dilated pupils with sexual arousal. But we don't look at the person and say to ourselves, "That man/woman has dilated pupils," no - we say, "Wow! Gorgeous!" </p><p>We respond with gut reactions.</p><p></p><p>But when we are describing our children to the doctor, we need to be as analytical as possible.</p><p></p><p>I remember an incident at uni when I and my prac partner had to fight for a place in class. My prac partner (unknown to me) had a reputation as a troublemaker, and the professor was trying to exclude him from the class but at the same time this was excluding me and I wanted to do well.</p><p>So I had a quiet but forceful discussion with the professor, matching him logic for logic. As I got angrier, my voice got quieter and more intense. The professor finally backed down and let us stay in the class.</p><p>Afterwards my prac partner said, "You were scary. Your eyes changed colour, they turned green!"</p><p>Now, I know that isn't rally possible.The colour of your iris is fixed, I know my iris has always been this pale hazel colour. But I thought about it - I WAS very angry, but it was controlled anger. Anger constricts the pupils - it's the opposite of sexual arousal, if you think about it. Constricted pupils see depth more accurately, making a leap from the trees or the top of the cliff likely to be more accurate in pinpointing a safe landing. Or making it easier to judge accurtely the placement of the blow when you attack your opponent. Basically, it's like closing down a camera lens tight when you want to take a very fast shutter photo - you can capture speed much more easily with a tight aperture.</p><p>In my case - I have naturally pale eyes. Normal pupil size indoors would give an eye colour of a certain level, but if pupils constrict down suddenly, then it would appear as a change in colour depth, at least.</p><p></p><p>Anyone wanting to put an emotional label on my face change at that point (as my prac partner did and perhaps even that professor) could have said, "She was scary, her face changed and became harder," or some such. But in reality - it was my pupils. A purely hormonal rection to fear, anger or other strong negative emotion.</p><p></p><p>My odd male neihbour began to really worry me when he began to say things about easy child (who at the time was a very pretty pre-teen) such as, 'Did you see her eyes twinkle when she said that? Oh, what a knowing little girl! She didn't come down in the last shower!"</p><p>He was making assumptions that suited him to make, trying to enlist me in agreeing with him (which would then justify any further assumptions he chose to make based on his first false assumptions) and so on, which (I feared) could eventually lead him to justify his increasingly strange thoughts about either me or my daughter and any possible sexual invitation he was reading, that frankly just was not there. My neighbour was seeing 'messages' from my eyes and my daughter's eyes that just weren't there, I know from things he used to say to me that he had women constantly making passes at him (yeah, right). </p><p></p><p>So be wary of what you 'see' in your child's changing facial expressions. Describe what you really see, not what you feel about what you see. Or if you want to describe how you feel - say so. "I felt very afraid when I saw my child's facial expression change."</p><p>That is legitimate.</p><p></p><p>To say what is not really there except in your own fears, is to risk your child getting the wrong label and this could waste years of effective management of what is REALLY wrong.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 324579, member: 1991"] I was led to believe that autistic kids (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, really) can't lie, so I was shocked when difficult child 3's teacher accused him of lying, quite clearly. Turns out the lie was "I didn't do it" when he clearly had, which is the simplest lie of all. Often Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids can't cope with the idea of lying, it 'hurts' too much. But that doesn't always stop them trying. Other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are able to lie, but with poor social skills they often aren't good at it. That doesn't mean it's never possible for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to become accomplished at lying. Who knows? Maybe she's not that good at lying, maybe you're just worse than average at recognising it. As you see - it is very subjective, so I wouldn't rule out Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) just because you feel she lies a lot. Multiple personality disorder - there is an increasing debate about whether this really exists, or is something that was imposed on the individual by a bad therapist who implanted the belief that this is what you have. But even those who agree that this exists will tell you that the "alters" won't tell you what to do and force you to do it against your will, they simply take over and you have periods where you simply are unaware. The person might 'wake up' miles from home dressed as an old woman, for example, with no recall of how they got there. Often one alter can be aware of another in charge but waiting for their chance to step into the limelight, while others are unaware. But you don't generally get mixed control - the "hearing voices" generally isn't multiple personality, from what I recall reading. Be very wary of describing your observations of her in emotional terms or in terms that have you imposing your own interpretation. I worry when I read here that a parent has described their child as suddenly having an evil look in their eye, or a child who seems to emanate danger. Such statements can be very misleading - if you look at a baby concentrating hard as it fills its nappy, you could say the same thing about the look of intense red-faced concentration on that baby's face! You CAN say that the child's face appears set, there appears to be a sudden major change in emotion in the expression on the child's face which appears to be at odds with events in the room at the time. But you can't really interpret more than that - after all, there could be a valid reason, from the child's point of view, for that change in mood. I had a male neighbour (who made me feel uncomfortable at times since he seemed to want to talk about sexual matters with me a bit more than I felt was appropriate) who would accuse me of having a twinkle in my eye when I said something or other. But how can an eye twinkle, really? Eyes do not emit light, they only reflect light under certain conditions. A wide open eye has more surface available for reflection perhaps. A darker-looking eye in the opposite sex is judged to be more attractive, if the eye is darker because the pupil is dilated. This is because at a subconscious level we associate dilated pupils with sexual arousal. But we don't look at the person and say to ourselves, "That man/woman has dilated pupils," no - we say, "Wow! Gorgeous!" We respond with gut reactions. But when we are describing our children to the doctor, we need to be as analytical as possible. I remember an incident at uni when I and my prac partner had to fight for a place in class. My prac partner (unknown to me) had a reputation as a troublemaker, and the professor was trying to exclude him from the class but at the same time this was excluding me and I wanted to do well. So I had a quiet but forceful discussion with the professor, matching him logic for logic. As I got angrier, my voice got quieter and more intense. The professor finally backed down and let us stay in the class. Afterwards my prac partner said, "You were scary. Your eyes changed colour, they turned green!" Now, I know that isn't rally possible.The colour of your iris is fixed, I know my iris has always been this pale hazel colour. But I thought about it - I WAS very angry, but it was controlled anger. Anger constricts the pupils - it's the opposite of sexual arousal, if you think about it. Constricted pupils see depth more accurately, making a leap from the trees or the top of the cliff likely to be more accurate in pinpointing a safe landing. Or making it easier to judge accurtely the placement of the blow when you attack your opponent. Basically, it's like closing down a camera lens tight when you want to take a very fast shutter photo - you can capture speed much more easily with a tight aperture. In my case - I have naturally pale eyes. Normal pupil size indoors would give an eye colour of a certain level, but if pupils constrict down suddenly, then it would appear as a change in colour depth, at least. Anyone wanting to put an emotional label on my face change at that point (as my prac partner did and perhaps even that professor) could have said, "She was scary, her face changed and became harder," or some such. But in reality - it was my pupils. A purely hormonal rection to fear, anger or other strong negative emotion. My odd male neihbour began to really worry me when he began to say things about easy child (who at the time was a very pretty pre-teen) such as, 'Did you see her eyes twinkle when she said that? Oh, what a knowing little girl! She didn't come down in the last shower!" He was making assumptions that suited him to make, trying to enlist me in agreeing with him (which would then justify any further assumptions he chose to make based on his first false assumptions) and so on, which (I feared) could eventually lead him to justify his increasingly strange thoughts about either me or my daughter and any possible sexual invitation he was reading, that frankly just was not there. My neighbour was seeing 'messages' from my eyes and my daughter's eyes that just weren't there, I know from things he used to say to me that he had women constantly making passes at him (yeah, right). So be wary of what you 'see' in your child's changing facial expressions. Describe what you really see, not what you feel about what you see. Or if you want to describe how you feel - say so. "I felt very afraid when I saw my child's facial expression change." That is legitimate. To say what is not really there except in your own fears, is to risk your child getting the wrong label and this could waste years of effective management of what is REALLY wrong. Marg [/QUOTE]
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