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constructive motivators
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 175652" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>difficult child 3's therapist strongly recommended we not motivate with material things, but try to use stuff that HE likes to do, as a combined activity. For example, we rewarded difficult child 3 for having a meltdown-free day, with fifteen minutes of me playing a computer game with him. This was really good - it showed me a window into his games, it gave both of us time together with something HE is good at, and in general it was really constructive. We did find ourselves having to "bank" game time, but by then the reward system was working well.</p><p>We've modified this now, to buying Wii points cards. I'm trying to motivate him to do his schoolwork at a fast enough rate - he has 8 school subjects to do each week and some subjects can take him almost an entire day (sometimes longer) to do. Others are really quick. It depends on how well he's working and whether he's prepared to work outside school hours (ie do homework). So the incentive - he earns a credit point every time he completes two subject worksheets in one day. Any extra subject sheets completed in a day count as a single credit each. Subject sheets done on non-school days (or school excursion days) can be added to the next convenient school day of his choice.</p><p>Credit points are worth the equivalent of a packet of Maltesers. I will spend the equivalent amount of money on a computer game or Wii points cards, as a reward. He has to save his credits for them. And he doesn't earn credits very often, he is very pleased with himself when he does. He will often work on weekends in order to earn credits.</p><p></p><p>OK, it's bribery. But I don't care, it is working. He is also enjoying the schoolwork and slowly the enjoyment-because-of-bribery is turning into enjoyment-because-I-like-the-subject.</p><p></p><p>The other motivating factor for difficult child 3, is recognition by his teachers. He gets good marks for the work he turns in, so the more he turns in the more they are happy with him.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise - you need to find motivating factors that HE will value. You may need to sit down and discuss this with him - it's what we did with difficult child 3. We also did it with difficult child 1. </p><p></p><p>If a lot of his problem is not remembering the list of self-care tasks he has to do, motivation isn't what you need. It's reminders. And the best reminders are the ones in writing. We gave difficult child 3 a list of evening tasks to do. We need to re-visit this because the list changes as circumstances change. If you have a check-list for him somewhere it's a lot better than you telling him each time, what he should be doing. You need to build his confidence in himself as someone who can look after himself.</p><p></p><p>I was talking to girlfriend on Monday, when we were looking at bridal registers. She was chuckling about difficult child 1's poor hygiene and I said, "He's a lot better than he used to be, thanks to you."</p><p>She acknowledged this and said, "Yeah, he's pretty good these days." For difficult child 1, having a girlfriend (now fiancee) has really pushed him to take notice of how he looks and how people see him. He has modified his appearance for the workplace (although with the black bandanna he wears to keep his long hair out of the machinery, his workmates call him "Ivan" after the Backpacker Murderer, Ivan Milat). He's got a way to go, but girlfriend and a job have motivated him a lot as well as made him more aware.</p><p>girlfriend teaches Sunday School and eventually brought difficult child 1 into it. A lot of the little kids were scared of him at first because of his appearance, but now they think he's "way cool" and try to dress like he does (probably there are a lot of annoyed parents at that church). A local family that difficult child 1 has babysat for, has three small boys who all try to dress like difficult child 1, wearing black with leather armbands, a bandanna and shiny metal wherever they can attach it. difficult child 1 in turn is suddenly aware of the meaning of the term "role model" and around those kids, he is moderating his behaviour and appearance.</p><p></p><p>Talk to him. Ask him what he thinks would help. That alone is showing him how much more grown up he is.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 175652, member: 1991"] difficult child 3's therapist strongly recommended we not motivate with material things, but try to use stuff that HE likes to do, as a combined activity. For example, we rewarded difficult child 3 for having a meltdown-free day, with fifteen minutes of me playing a computer game with him. This was really good - it showed me a window into his games, it gave both of us time together with something HE is good at, and in general it was really constructive. We did find ourselves having to "bank" game time, but by then the reward system was working well. We've modified this now, to buying Wii points cards. I'm trying to motivate him to do his schoolwork at a fast enough rate - he has 8 school subjects to do each week and some subjects can take him almost an entire day (sometimes longer) to do. Others are really quick. It depends on how well he's working and whether he's prepared to work outside school hours (ie do homework). So the incentive - he earns a credit point every time he completes two subject worksheets in one day. Any extra subject sheets completed in a day count as a single credit each. Subject sheets done on non-school days (or school excursion days) can be added to the next convenient school day of his choice. Credit points are worth the equivalent of a packet of Maltesers. I will spend the equivalent amount of money on a computer game or Wii points cards, as a reward. He has to save his credits for them. And he doesn't earn credits very often, he is very pleased with himself when he does. He will often work on weekends in order to earn credits. OK, it's bribery. But I don't care, it is working. He is also enjoying the schoolwork and slowly the enjoyment-because-of-bribery is turning into enjoyment-because-I-like-the-subject. The other motivating factor for difficult child 3, is recognition by his teachers. He gets good marks for the work he turns in, so the more he turns in the more they are happy with him. Otherwise - you need to find motivating factors that HE will value. You may need to sit down and discuss this with him - it's what we did with difficult child 3. We also did it with difficult child 1. If a lot of his problem is not remembering the list of self-care tasks he has to do, motivation isn't what you need. It's reminders. And the best reminders are the ones in writing. We gave difficult child 3 a list of evening tasks to do. We need to re-visit this because the list changes as circumstances change. If you have a check-list for him somewhere it's a lot better than you telling him each time, what he should be doing. You need to build his confidence in himself as someone who can look after himself. I was talking to girlfriend on Monday, when we were looking at bridal registers. She was chuckling about difficult child 1's poor hygiene and I said, "He's a lot better than he used to be, thanks to you." She acknowledged this and said, "Yeah, he's pretty good these days." For difficult child 1, having a girlfriend (now fiancee) has really pushed him to take notice of how he looks and how people see him. He has modified his appearance for the workplace (although with the black bandanna he wears to keep his long hair out of the machinery, his workmates call him "Ivan" after the Backpacker Murderer, Ivan Milat). He's got a way to go, but girlfriend and a job have motivated him a lot as well as made him more aware. girlfriend teaches Sunday School and eventually brought difficult child 1 into it. A lot of the little kids were scared of him at first because of his appearance, but now they think he's "way cool" and try to dress like he does (probably there are a lot of annoyed parents at that church). A local family that difficult child 1 has babysat for, has three small boys who all try to dress like difficult child 1, wearing black with leather armbands, a bandanna and shiny metal wherever they can attach it. difficult child 1 in turn is suddenly aware of the meaning of the term "role model" and around those kids, he is moderating his behaviour and appearance. Talk to him. Ask him what he thinks would help. That alone is showing him how much more grown up he is. Marg [/QUOTE]
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