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constructive motivators
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 175680" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>My difficult child is about your son's age. I have two points. The first is that I have always used what he loves as the "consequence". In other words, he pays for bad choices with that which he loves most.</p><p> </p><p>Second, find the passion. If this girl is his (temporary) passion, he will make the change on his own; or he may come to you and ask for suggestions. If a musical instrument is his passion, or photography, or skateboarding, etc., find ways to allow him to explore that passion. </p><p> </p><p>I believe Marg's advice is simple, straight-forward, and the best - ask him.</p><p> </p><p>I have a lot of exposure to teens - being the parent whose home is the gathering place for between 2 and 10 teens on a regular basis, and the best experience, being a Sunday School teacher of high-schoolers for the last seven years! I can tell you that finding the motiviational piece is what it's all about. Finding the thing they love and using it as a carrot. Nothing wrong with that.</p><p> </p><p>Finding their passion is the key, in my opinion.</p><p> </p><p>With our difficult children, I do believe mentors and role models are an important piece as well. In my son's case, with a father who spends little to no real quality time with him, we have found alternative ways to expose him to strong, inspirational men who care about him.</p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 175680, member: 805"] My difficult child is about your son's age. I have two points. The first is that I have always used what he loves as the "consequence". In other words, he pays for bad choices with that which he loves most. Second, find the passion. If this girl is his (temporary) passion, he will make the change on his own; or he may come to you and ask for suggestions. If a musical instrument is his passion, or photography, or skateboarding, etc., find ways to allow him to explore that passion. I believe Marg's advice is simple, straight-forward, and the best - ask him. I have a lot of exposure to teens - being the parent whose home is the gathering place for between 2 and 10 teens on a regular basis, and the best experience, being a Sunday School teacher of high-schoolers for the last seven years! I can tell you that finding the motiviational piece is what it's all about. Finding the thing they love and using it as a carrot. Nothing wrong with that. Finding their passion is the key, in my opinion. With our difficult children, I do believe mentors and role models are an important piece as well. In my son's case, with a father who spends little to no real quality time with him, we have found alternative ways to expose him to strong, inspirational men who care about him. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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