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Coordination of Large Families
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 329271"><p>Thank you guys for the confirmation/validation. The frustration and at times confusion was intense. I am from a small family. We had our share of problems, but these were new and different ones.</p><p></p><p>My guess is that this problem has been going on for a long time. She has an older sister, who is married, with a baby. </p><p></p><p>Its kinda a "secret" that ain't no secret and it is causing lots of chaos that everyone is trying to sweep under the rug,</p><p></p><p></p><p>Those involved are not too keen on doing things separately or on giving up any of their traditions. They basically run the show.</p><p></p><p>What was really tough for me, is some of the older folks (two from different sets of families) complained to me about the problem, but don't really know what to do about it. </p><p> </p><p>No one has the "you know whats" to go to the source (s) with their complaints. I do NOT know what would actually happen if you said to the patriarch and sister "I do not like it when there is no planning, when there is no give and take, no organization, etc. in the planning or scheduling of these family events and do feel that it could be handled with more care and respect." Since I do not know these folks as well as my daughter in law, I did talk with her about it a little and I saw signs that she was trying to help.</p><p></p><p>This gal gets pulled in a million directions though..,being asked to do many things by many people and my guess is that she has moments not knowing what is right anymore or what she wants to do anymore. Think "My Sister's Keeper."</p><p></p><p>I did approach her and my son about if we could just inquire about times and such. My son totally understands the problem and my daughter in law llargely does. My daughter in law and son did try (with trepidation) to help me, but their questions were not taken seriously and were almost viewed with disdain.</p><p></p><p>IT's really sad, 'cause I can tell that others are starting to get very upset. My primary concern is husband and myself and to a certain degree, my son and his new wife.</p><p></p><p>husband and I have decided to handle family holiday gatherings separately. </p><p>I do have some concern that the problem is soooo big that it could spread out into other situations, but have faith in my son and daughter in law that they will figure it all out.</p><p></p><p>I tell ya....there were some days that were mind blowing. On the positive side, it confirmed my belief in the business of counseling/psychology...the area I'm studying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 329271"] Thank you guys for the confirmation/validation. The frustration and at times confusion was intense. I am from a small family. We had our share of problems, but these were new and different ones. My guess is that this problem has been going on for a long time. She has an older sister, who is married, with a baby. Its kinda a "secret" that ain't no secret and it is causing lots of chaos that everyone is trying to sweep under the rug, Those involved are not too keen on doing things separately or on giving up any of their traditions. They basically run the show. What was really tough for me, is some of the older folks (two from different sets of families) complained to me about the problem, but don't really know what to do about it. No one has the "you know whats" to go to the source (s) with their complaints. I do NOT know what would actually happen if you said to the patriarch and sister "I do not like it when there is no planning, when there is no give and take, no organization, etc. in the planning or scheduling of these family events and do feel that it could be handled with more care and respect." Since I do not know these folks as well as my daughter in law, I did talk with her about it a little and I saw signs that she was trying to help. This gal gets pulled in a million directions though..,being asked to do many things by many people and my guess is that she has moments not knowing what is right anymore or what she wants to do anymore. Think "My Sister's Keeper." I did approach her and my son about if we could just inquire about times and such. My son totally understands the problem and my daughter in law llargely does. My daughter in law and son did try (with trepidation) to help me, but their questions were not taken seriously and were almost viewed with disdain. IT's really sad, 'cause I can tell that others are starting to get very upset. My primary concern is husband and myself and to a certain degree, my son and his new wife. husband and I have decided to handle family holiday gatherings separately. I do have some concern that the problem is soooo big that it could spread out into other situations, but have faith in my son and daughter in law that they will figure it all out. I tell ya....there were some days that were mind blowing. On the positive side, it confirmed my belief in the business of counseling/psychology...the area I'm studying. [/QUOTE]
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