Hi Ms. Lulu, mouse, JP and everybody. Thank you all very, very much.
I am better. We believe my son is out of the area for now. That makes it easier to bear. I will have to be very, very strong. Because my son is on a downward spiral which is escalating. There may be other, stronger drugs involved. He shows no insight, self-awareness or desire to live any better than he is. He is so visibly degraded in his appearance and behavior M and I both agree that he may begin to have criminal involvement, just by his condition and the perceptions of others about him.
Ms. Lulu. I know you asked about me, but my sadness has turned more to fear. I only ask that he live. I know i don't have to face everything all at once, but i do fear for his health, his liver. I guess I am bargaining with G-d. Please G-d, let him live so that I may live. That's what it has come to.
Except increasingly I am not making myself contingent. Increasingly I am able to hold onto myself. Which is to say I am better. I have returned to myself. Most of today I was hopeful and calm. Even accepting and knowing that things will probably get very bad indeed. But I will live my life. I won't forfeit it. It's enough already of that.
Thank you everyone.
