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Coping with Gossip in the Family
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 623829" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>This thread has been enormously healpful to me as I once thought I was the only one with such a dysfunctional family. I have two sisters, none of us talk to each other. While we were growing up and up just a few years ago when either of our parents would get upset with one of us they involved the other kids as if they wanted us to take sides. As we became adults we bought into that nonsense and it caused many problems between us. Finally three years ago I told my dad to stop pitting me against my sister. To his credit he stopped but the damage has been done. He now makes comments about the fact that my sister and I don't get along and he wonders why. He's 94 and it's not worth trying to explain.</p><p></p><p>I have two adult children. I have always tried to stay positive to them about each other even if there were problems. It was difficult when difficult child was creating so much chaos but now that they are adults I want them to have a relationship with each other and not have to worry about any interference from me. If I am having a problem or disagreement with one of them I want it to stay between us and not involve the other one. It's hard for me to understand why my parents did what they did. I forgive them, they lived in a different era. My sister is different, she bought into their dysfunction and continued the cycle. My father had six sisters and brothers, none of them got along. Weddings and funerals were an excuse to drink and fight. My sister in one of her last conversations to me said that her daughter was going to block the funeral home from some relatives when my dad died. How sad that she carried that legacy down to her kids.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for reminding me what's important.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 623829, member: 59"] This thread has been enormously healpful to me as I once thought I was the only one with such a dysfunctional family. I have two sisters, none of us talk to each other. While we were growing up and up just a few years ago when either of our parents would get upset with one of us they involved the other kids as if they wanted us to take sides. As we became adults we bought into that nonsense and it caused many problems between us. Finally three years ago I told my dad to stop pitting me against my sister. To his credit he stopped but the damage has been done. He now makes comments about the fact that my sister and I don't get along and he wonders why. He's 94 and it's not worth trying to explain. I have two adult children. I have always tried to stay positive to them about each other even if there were problems. It was difficult when difficult child was creating so much chaos but now that they are adults I want them to have a relationship with each other and not have to worry about any interference from me. If I am having a problem or disagreement with one of them I want it to stay between us and not involve the other one. It's hard for me to understand why my parents did what they did. I forgive them, they lived in a different era. My sister is different, she bought into their dysfunction and continued the cycle. My father had six sisters and brothers, none of them got along. Weddings and funerals were an excuse to drink and fight. My sister in one of her last conversations to me said that her daughter was going to block the funeral home from some relatives when my dad died. How sad that she carried that legacy down to her kids. Thank you all for reminding me what's important. [/QUOTE]
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