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General Parenting
Coping with not liking difficult child...peers shying away, what do we do...
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 598195" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>NOT that we should treat our kids like animals... but I learned a lot about parenting from the dog trainer. A LOT.</p><p>Things like not assuming intent, especially complex concepts like revenge or getting even.</p><p>Things like learning to reward the behavior I want, whether I asked for it or not... and remembering that what I think is a motivator, may not motivate my kid at all.</p><p>And the biggest one? Focus on the relationship more than on any one behavior. Build a strong relationship, and you have the means to work on the other stuff. </p><p> </p><p>My difficult child is definitely not Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and wouldn't even qualify for insecure attachment (also on that spectrum). But we found that when we used some of the ideas that are used for kids with insecure attachment, it made a much bigger difference than all the punishments or rewards or talking we could possibly do.</p><p> </p><p>Your book idea? Right track! Find ways to create moments you can both ENJOY together, and do them "because it's what we do", not as a reward, nor taken away as punishment. These are relationship builders.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 598195, member: 11791"] NOT that we should treat our kids like animals... but I learned a lot about parenting from the dog trainer. A LOT. Things like not assuming intent, especially complex concepts like revenge or getting even. Things like learning to reward the behavior I want, whether I asked for it or not... and remembering that what I think is a motivator, may not motivate my kid at all. And the biggest one? Focus on the relationship more than on any one behavior. Build a strong relationship, and you have the means to work on the other stuff. My difficult child is definitely not Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and wouldn't even qualify for insecure attachment (also on that spectrum). But we found that when we used some of the ideas that are used for kids with insecure attachment, it made a much bigger difference than all the punishments or rewards or talking we could possibly do. Your book idea? Right track! Find ways to create moments you can both ENJOY together, and do them "because it's what we do", not as a reward, nor taken away as punishment. These are relationship builders. [/QUOTE]
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Coping with not liking difficult child...peers shying away, what do we do...
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