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Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378192" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I completely agree with you both re: mother in law. She's a terrific woman, but she does stick her head in the sand to a point that isn't healthy a lot of the times. Especially when it concerns my sister in law. It frustrates me in that most of the family, most of the time, just go with it when mother in law does this type of thing. Its so odd that other times mother in law is open, will spend an hour or more on the telephone with me being completely on board with the what is really going on. Then this ostrich technique comes back into play. </p><p></p><p>I was a bit frustrated with S/O when he got off the phone with his mom and hadn't made a bigger effort to get information. I don't know if I was in the right or the wrong here. But I told S/O that from here on out, I either don't want to hear another word about sister in law and her "state", or I want the honest factual information. He was also frustrated with his mother. He attempted several times to get mother in law to explain the situation with sister in law. I guess I wanted to hear him just say "Mom, enough of the burying things. You called to tell us about my sister, so either tell us what exactly is going on, or please don't call us about her situation if you aren't going to tell us what is really going on.". He did tell me he finds it incredibly upsetting to get enough information to have him worrying for his sister, without the full information to understand the picture. I could see his aggravation when he hung up the telephone. I have known him and his brother in the past to try to get more out of mother in law when she does this type of thing, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.</p><p></p><p>I have decided that if mother in law calls and brings it up when she's on the telephone with me, I'm going to be nice about it but tell her that S/O and I were quite upset last night to get enough to worry us but no real information and that it would make a world of difference to get a call like that if it included the whole story. If she still dodges it all, I think I'm going to say something to the effect of "We all have serious concerns for sister in law. We want her to get well and fix her mess. However it might be easier for US if we didn't hear anything about her at all, seeing as we don't get the true picture of what is going on and without it, we end up upset and aggravated and it seems pretty unfair to be put into that position". Who knows, maybe it'll sink in.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, I really hope for sister in law's sake and that of everyone around her, that this is a light bulb moment for her. The help is there for the taking. I wonder if the fact that their aunt (S/O's fathers sister) was buried 2 weeks ago has affected sister in law at all. She was 51 years old. She had a accidental overdoes of the same exact medications, that she was much abusing. Nobody knew she had a problem in the family until the call about her passing was made to them all. This is giving mother in law another reason to not want to cope with the reality of sister in law's situation right now I think. It's sad, beyond sad. I just don't get this type of thing. I mean, theoretically I understand addiction. I just can't relate to losing ones entire life over what? Even sister in law openly admits she gets nothing enjoyable out of the pills anymore. If it isn't enjoyable anymore, wouldn't it become something you would want to get help with to quit?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378192, member: 4264"] I completely agree with you both re: mother in law. She's a terrific woman, but she does stick her head in the sand to a point that isn't healthy a lot of the times. Especially when it concerns my sister in law. It frustrates me in that most of the family, most of the time, just go with it when mother in law does this type of thing. Its so odd that other times mother in law is open, will spend an hour or more on the telephone with me being completely on board with the what is really going on. Then this ostrich technique comes back into play. I was a bit frustrated with S/O when he got off the phone with his mom and hadn't made a bigger effort to get information. I don't know if I was in the right or the wrong here. But I told S/O that from here on out, I either don't want to hear another word about sister in law and her "state", or I want the honest factual information. He was also frustrated with his mother. He attempted several times to get mother in law to explain the situation with sister in law. I guess I wanted to hear him just say "Mom, enough of the burying things. You called to tell us about my sister, so either tell us what exactly is going on, or please don't call us about her situation if you aren't going to tell us what is really going on.". He did tell me he finds it incredibly upsetting to get enough information to have him worrying for his sister, without the full information to understand the picture. I could see his aggravation when he hung up the telephone. I have known him and his brother in the past to try to get more out of mother in law when she does this type of thing, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have decided that if mother in law calls and brings it up when she's on the telephone with me, I'm going to be nice about it but tell her that S/O and I were quite upset last night to get enough to worry us but no real information and that it would make a world of difference to get a call like that if it included the whole story. If she still dodges it all, I think I'm going to say something to the effect of "We all have serious concerns for sister in law. We want her to get well and fix her mess. However it might be easier for US if we didn't hear anything about her at all, seeing as we don't get the true picture of what is going on and without it, we end up upset and aggravated and it seems pretty unfair to be put into that position". Who knows, maybe it'll sink in. In the meantime, I really hope for sister in law's sake and that of everyone around her, that this is a light bulb moment for her. The help is there for the taking. I wonder if the fact that their aunt (S/O's fathers sister) was buried 2 weeks ago has affected sister in law at all. She was 51 years old. She had a accidental overdoes of the same exact medications, that she was much abusing. Nobody knew she had a problem in the family until the call about her passing was made to them all. This is giving mother in law another reason to not want to cope with the reality of sister in law's situation right now I think. It's sad, beyond sad. I just don't get this type of thing. I mean, theoretically I understand addiction. I just can't relate to losing ones entire life over what? Even sister in law openly admits she gets nothing enjoyable out of the pills anymore. If it isn't enjoyable anymore, wouldn't it become something you would want to get help with to quit? [/QUOTE]
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Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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