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The Watercooler
Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378299" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Marg, you're completely correct in explaining the behaviour and rationale behind the partial information etc. Its a two part thing as well. First, mother in law is doing exactly as you are describing. Second, sister in law is the one behind it all. It isn't about shame either. She (along with brother in law) is the one who told mother in law to tell us nothing. Turns out that her own kids were told to tell us nothing, and her daughter is the oldest, just turned 18 and has moved back to my town about 6 weeks ago to do her last year of high school while living with some other family. She has always turned to S/O and I and we are her only family in town. Her parents are 6 hours away. She was told to tell us nothing and to NOT come visit or call, because they know she'll open up to us for her OWN sake and need for support and family love etc. sister in law knows where S/O and I stand about her getting some help. She burned this bridge and she knows it. She doesn't like it. She wants to be able to manipulate us and keep us in her web. But we've stopped letting her. She is hoping that by having us know she is in hospital but nobody telling us anything, we'll go directly to her. She wants us in her life and she wants us to play the role of enabler that others play. It's always been that way, and its always been S/O and I who hold her to task, call her on her "stuff" and refuse to pretend she isn't destroying her life. Part of her even likes that we are the ones who WILL hold her to task (which she openly admits often, and quite frankly, is a role that is a burden when she's just using us when she needs assistance with checking back into the reality of her world, or needs help holding HERSELF to task). So, we have sister in law playing that game, and using mother in law to keep it going, knowing exactly how mother in law will handle it. I think mother in law was a bit relieved actually to have S/O tell her we don't want to discuss anything about sister in law anymore. She cant' tell sister in law on her own to stop this game. But us stopping it? She is off the hook.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378299, member: 4264"] Marg, you're completely correct in explaining the behaviour and rationale behind the partial information etc. Its a two part thing as well. First, mother in law is doing exactly as you are describing. Second, sister in law is the one behind it all. It isn't about shame either. She (along with brother in law) is the one who told mother in law to tell us nothing. Turns out that her own kids were told to tell us nothing, and her daughter is the oldest, just turned 18 and has moved back to my town about 6 weeks ago to do her last year of high school while living with some other family. She has always turned to S/O and I and we are her only family in town. Her parents are 6 hours away. She was told to tell us nothing and to NOT come visit or call, because they know she'll open up to us for her OWN sake and need for support and family love etc. sister in law knows where S/O and I stand about her getting some help. She burned this bridge and she knows it. She doesn't like it. She wants to be able to manipulate us and keep us in her web. But we've stopped letting her. She is hoping that by having us know she is in hospital but nobody telling us anything, we'll go directly to her. She wants us in her life and she wants us to play the role of enabler that others play. It's always been that way, and its always been S/O and I who hold her to task, call her on her "stuff" and refuse to pretend she isn't destroying her life. Part of her even likes that we are the ones who WILL hold her to task (which she openly admits often, and quite frankly, is a role that is a burden when she's just using us when she needs assistance with checking back into the reality of her world, or needs help holding HERSELF to task). So, we have sister in law playing that game, and using mother in law to keep it going, knowing exactly how mother in law will handle it. I think mother in law was a bit relieved actually to have S/O tell her we don't want to discuss anything about sister in law anymore. She cant' tell sister in law on her own to stop this game. But us stopping it? She is off the hook. [/QUOTE]
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The Watercooler
Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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