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The Watercooler
Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378323" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Marg, niece is a smart cookie <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />. She already knows that any kind of serious talks can be initiated by her, or not. But that our home is a sort of refuge for her. She knows she is always welcome and that there is zero pressure on her to speak of things she doesn't want to speak about of her own accord. She also knows that we keep her visits to ourselves unless she says otherwise. Likewise she knows that S/O and I keep anything she does talk about with us, to ourselves. </p><p></p><p>I facebook messaged her yesterday asking how she is settling in with this other family and how school is going so far. She responded that school is great but that she is having a very hard time adjusting otherwise to being back here (she was only gone for 2 months but this is her first move "out of the nest"). I replied back to her that it is understandable to be having to adjust and it doesn't happen overnight. Then I reminded her that we love her to bits and that she is welcome to come by or call anytime, and that we would love for her to at least come for dinner and a visit soon. I do think she'll try to honor what her mother asked her to a degree, in terms perhaps of not telling us stuff. But I find it unlikely that she will not come by to visit and spend some time with family. I have no problem not mentioning her visits to anybody in the family for the sake of her not being subject to her mother being upset and taking it out on her. </p><p></p><p>Niece is very realistic about her home life, her parents marriage state (not good), her brothers serious issues (which made her gleeful to leave home because it is truly unbearable), her moms addictions and so on. I've witnessed her take her mothers car keys (before she totalled her car and brother in law refused to buy her a new one) and tell her bluntly that she is "Higher than a freaking kite and NOT driving the car. Period". I've also seen niece tell her mother to get her act together because it was getting old very quickly to be forced to act as a parent to her brother while mom is strung out, not to mention having to parent her own parent. She told her mother she no longer looks like her mother. That when she looks at her mother now she sees a spaced out, strung out drug addict going nowhere and destroying her own life and everyone around her's lives. And I've heard her , when her mother was going on about how she'd gone cold turkey, was off the stuff, blah blah blah ... tell her mother point blank "you are such a liar mom. you are high RIGHT now and we ALL know it. You might want to try to con yourself to make yourself feel better somehow but you aren't fooling any of us so don't treat us like fools". </p><p></p><p>It is sad that at just turned 18 years old, niece has to deal with all of this. But I sure admire this girls spunk and gumption.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378323, member: 4264"] Marg, niece is a smart cookie ;). She already knows that any kind of serious talks can be initiated by her, or not. But that our home is a sort of refuge for her. She knows she is always welcome and that there is zero pressure on her to speak of things she doesn't want to speak about of her own accord. She also knows that we keep her visits to ourselves unless she says otherwise. Likewise she knows that S/O and I keep anything she does talk about with us, to ourselves. I facebook messaged her yesterday asking how she is settling in with this other family and how school is going so far. She responded that school is great but that she is having a very hard time adjusting otherwise to being back here (she was only gone for 2 months but this is her first move "out of the nest"). I replied back to her that it is understandable to be having to adjust and it doesn't happen overnight. Then I reminded her that we love her to bits and that she is welcome to come by or call anytime, and that we would love for her to at least come for dinner and a visit soon. I do think she'll try to honor what her mother asked her to a degree, in terms perhaps of not telling us stuff. But I find it unlikely that she will not come by to visit and spend some time with family. I have no problem not mentioning her visits to anybody in the family for the sake of her not being subject to her mother being upset and taking it out on her. Niece is very realistic about her home life, her parents marriage state (not good), her brothers serious issues (which made her gleeful to leave home because it is truly unbearable), her moms addictions and so on. I've witnessed her take her mothers car keys (before she totalled her car and brother in law refused to buy her a new one) and tell her bluntly that she is "Higher than a freaking kite and NOT driving the car. Period". I've also seen niece tell her mother to get her act together because it was getting old very quickly to be forced to act as a parent to her brother while mom is strung out, not to mention having to parent her own parent. She told her mother she no longer looks like her mother. That when she looks at her mother now she sees a spaced out, strung out drug addict going nowhere and destroying her own life and everyone around her's lives. And I've heard her , when her mother was going on about how she'd gone cold turkey, was off the stuff, blah blah blah ... tell her mother point blank "you are such a liar mom. you are high RIGHT now and we ALL know it. You might want to try to con yourself to make yourself feel better somehow but you aren't fooling any of us so don't treat us like fools". It is sad that at just turned 18 years old, niece has to deal with all of this. But I sure admire this girls spunk and gumption. [/QUOTE]
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Could use some bead rattling for my sister in law (and my S/O and his entire family)
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