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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 111460" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>GG, gave you the advice that all of us believe works best. It is</p><p>not easy AND it is no guarantee of success. Detaching from our</p><p>teen is a difficult but necessary process. Trying to come up with a joint family plan (yes, I understand what you are thinking</p><p>as I have an Ex also) is worth the effort AND if by some miracle</p><p>a coalition can be formed it is very very helpful for the difficult child.</p><p>Rehab programs can work but most often short term rehab programs</p><p>for defiant teens only expose our teens to more complex teens than the ones they hang with...UNLESS...the difficult child truly wants to</p><p>overcome his addictions. In other words, you can lead the horse</p><p>to water and it can pretend to drink...but you sure can't force</p><p>it! Lastly the legal system issue is most complex. There is a huge difference from area to area on how "the system" works. We</p><p>in the CD family have had very different experiences. Where I live it is insane..that's an understatement. Up until a year ago</p><p>they actually published the photo and private information of every teen who was arrested. :nonono: Obviously that was about the equivalent of branding them with a scarlet letter for life.</p><p>on the other hand some communities do actually "see" that teens are different</p><p>than adults and provide sensible consequences. The important factor is to decide what your position will/would be should your</p><p>son end up in "the system". Some of us have $$'d up for the lst</p><p>offense and told our difficult children "never again". Some of us have said</p><p>"I will visit in juvie but never in adult jail". Some of us have</p><p>suffered through every mistake the difficult child makes and have shared every trauma....usually resulting in more pain for the parent than for the difficult child.</p><p></p><p>You have found a great place. We do not have one collective opinion about all the issues but 99% of the time you will get</p><p>caring support and honesty. Most of all you can share every painful feeling here and not have to worry about repercussions</p><p>of your honesty.</p><p></p><p>Many of us, by the way, choose "names" that are not indicative of who</p><p>we really are so that we have that freedom. We protect our family privacy and benefit by not having to think twice about</p><p>what we say. Welcome again. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 111460, member: 35"] GG, gave you the advice that all of us believe works best. It is not easy AND it is no guarantee of success. Detaching from our teen is a difficult but necessary process. Trying to come up with a joint family plan (yes, I understand what you are thinking as I have an Ex also) is worth the effort AND if by some miracle a coalition can be formed it is very very helpful for the difficult child. Rehab programs can work but most often short term rehab programs for defiant teens only expose our teens to more complex teens than the ones they hang with...UNLESS...the difficult child truly wants to overcome his addictions. In other words, you can lead the horse to water and it can pretend to drink...but you sure can't force it! Lastly the legal system issue is most complex. There is a huge difference from area to area on how "the system" works. We in the CD family have had very different experiences. Where I live it is insane..that's an understatement. Up until a year ago they actually published the photo and private information of every teen who was arrested. [img]:nonono:[/img] Obviously that was about the equivalent of branding them with a scarlet letter for life. on the other hand some communities do actually "see" that teens are different than adults and provide sensible consequences. The important factor is to decide what your position will/would be should your son end up in "the system". Some of us have $$'d up for the lst offense and told our difficult children "never again". Some of us have said "I will visit in juvie but never in adult jail". Some of us have suffered through every mistake the difficult child makes and have shared every trauma....usually resulting in more pain for the parent than for the difficult child. You have found a great place. We do not have one collective opinion about all the issues but 99% of the time you will get caring support and honesty. Most of all you can share every painful feeling here and not have to worry about repercussions of your honesty. Many of us, by the way, choose "names" that are not indicative of who we really are so that we have that freedom. We protect our family privacy and benefit by not having to think twice about what we say. Welcome again. DDD [/QUOTE]
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