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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 111486" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>Welcome, jgreen. :smile:</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>At the bottoms of my posts is the address of a site about detaching from the unhealthy aspects of what is happening with our children, so that we can function with clarity as we cope with whatever is thrown at us next. </p><p></p><p>It was a lifesaver for me.</p><p></p><p>When I first came to the site, I was certain there must be some magical something, some strength or wisdom or SOMETHING other moms had that I did not, and that my son was acting out some emotional pain, working through some old scars, compensating for some horrible something from his childhood.</p><p></p><p>I just couldn't let go of that mindset. </p><p></p><p>Over time, I came to understand that whatever my son's motivations, the most powerful words I could say, to him OR TO MYSELF, are: "You were raised better than this."</p><p></p><p>Because that is true.</p><p></p><p>It is a simple phrase, easy to remember, easy to say, if only to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>The other thing that was so helpful to me was a thread in which the other parents gave me phrases to use ~ things like "Oh, that's too bad, honey ~ what are you going to do."</p><p></p><p>Or even, just "Oh, that's too bad, honey."</p><p></p><p>And not another word.</p><p></p><p>That thread is in our PE archives.</p><p></p><p>I hope this is a better day for you, jgreen.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 111486, member: 4391"] Welcome, jgreen. [img]:smile:[/img] I am glad you found us. At the bottoms of my posts is the address of a site about detaching from the unhealthy aspects of what is happening with our children, so that we can function with clarity as we cope with whatever is thrown at us next. It was a lifesaver for me. When I first came to the site, I was certain there must be some magical something, some strength or wisdom or SOMETHING other moms had that I did not, and that my son was acting out some emotional pain, working through some old scars, compensating for some horrible something from his childhood. I just couldn't let go of that mindset. Over time, I came to understand that whatever my son's motivations, the most powerful words I could say, to him OR TO MYSELF, are: "You were raised better than this." Because that is true. It is a simple phrase, easy to remember, easy to say, if only to ourselves. The other thing that was so helpful to me was a thread in which the other parents gave me phrases to use ~ things like "Oh, that's too bad, honey ~ what are you going to do." Or even, just "Oh, that's too bad, honey." And not another word. That thread is in our PE archives. I hope this is a better day for you, jgreen. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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