Hi. Welcome 
I have some questions too.
1/Has he been evaluated by a neuropsychologist and, if not, when did he get his diagnosis of ADHD? It sounds wrong to me. I'm just a mom, but it sounds like he could have more. Did his birthmother use drugs or drink while she was pregnant?
2/A speech delay plus social deficits plus intelligence is a big red flag for possible Aspergers. medications wouldn't help that...they could maybe help his attention, but they can't help with social skills or sensory issues. My son has this. But if he was exposed to drugs/alcohol while bio. mom was pregnant, all bets are off. There could be neurological damage.
3/Does he do better in a smaller environment? Do you feel he has a lot of anxiety? Do you think he's just being "bad?" I don't.
We adopted a son who was exposed to "fill in the blank" before he was born. These are complicated kids who are hard to diagnose and most of them start out delayed and have behavioral problems and they really need a lot of interventions, but not behavioral charts or "point systems"...they don't respond to that most of the time.
The first thing I'd do is schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation which is more intensive and very different than what you get from a psychiatrist. And in the opinion of many here, they are often better evaluators. They test from 6-10 hours and in every area and find deficits that psychiatrists just don't look for since psychiatrists tend not to test at all. They diagnose by what we say and by observing our kids, often missing things. I actually agree that he shouldn't spend his entire childhood grounded. in my opinion you two need to find out what is really going on and grounding won't help.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do and welcome again.
