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Parent Emeritus
Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 701898" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>In the past I made excuses for my child's lack of *common sense*. I forgave the stealing, allowing his friends to steal from me, verbal abusive behavior, and much more. Spent lots of money trying to 'fix' my child. I felt so much guilt and responsibility for his life.</p><p></p><p>THEN, it affected my health so badly, that I knew something had to change. It was a wake up call for me.</p><p></p><p>I was drawn back into his drama, giving money, time after time while I learned to detach and let him be in charge of his life. Our change doesn't happen over night. After all, we do love these children, it's hard.</p><p></p><p>My child was threatening suicide when I refused to give him money and when I would call the police to check on him, he would say he is not suicidal and nothing was done. It's horrible for a mother, or anyone that loves them.</p><p></p><p>He and girlfriend started a con for money and I fell for it for almost 6 months before I found out the truth. I was hurt to the bone. When I decided I could not live this way any longer he cut off contact for almost five years. I used this time to focus on me. My health is better, mentally and physically. I am happier.</p><p></p><p>He started contact again last year and immediately the money requests started flowing. I am stronger now, he is an adult, he chooses his life. I no longer feel guilt.</p><p></p><p>I met with him in July for the first time and bought him clothes, eye glasses, took him to dinner. No money.</p><p></p><p>I am certain he was living in the woods for years. His choice! He also smokes, so he gets money from somewhere. He tells me he is working, he is living with a friend. I don't ask questions.</p><p></p><p>You have to remind yourself they are adults. Look after you and let them be responsible for their lives. Also, they will lie to you lol!</p><p></p><p>It's hard! It does get easier, but, if yours is like mine, they will dig in their heels and fight hard until they realize you are serious.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs and blessings)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 701898, member: 13558"] In the past I made excuses for my child's lack of *common sense*. I forgave the stealing, allowing his friends to steal from me, verbal abusive behavior, and much more. Spent lots of money trying to 'fix' my child. I felt so much guilt and responsibility for his life. THEN, it affected my health so badly, that I knew something had to change. It was a wake up call for me. I was drawn back into his drama, giving money, time after time while I learned to detach and let him be in charge of his life. Our change doesn't happen over night. After all, we do love these children, it's hard. My child was threatening suicide when I refused to give him money and when I would call the police to check on him, he would say he is not suicidal and nothing was done. It's horrible for a mother, or anyone that loves them. He and girlfriend started a con for money and I fell for it for almost 6 months before I found out the truth. I was hurt to the bone. When I decided I could not live this way any longer he cut off contact for almost five years. I used this time to focus on me. My health is better, mentally and physically. I am happier. He started contact again last year and immediately the money requests started flowing. I am stronger now, he is an adult, he chooses his life. I no longer feel guilt. I met with him in July for the first time and bought him clothes, eye glasses, took him to dinner. No money. I am certain he was living in the woods for years. His choice! He also smokes, so he gets money from somewhere. He tells me he is working, he is living with a friend. I don't ask questions. You have to remind yourself they are adults. Look after you and let them be responsible for their lives. Also, they will lie to you lol! It's hard! It does get easier, but, if yours is like mine, they will dig in their heels and fight hard until they realize you are serious. (((hugs and blessings))) [/QUOTE]
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Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
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