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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 153123" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>with my difficult child we reached a point of extreme where the restraints confinement etc were just so extreme and so rigid, difficult child could not grow if she had been inclined too. She was bound SO tight, there was no room to grow. </p><p>And when a person is scrutinized so extremely intensely, it must be suffocating....I bet if you are suffocating you cannot grow, either. </p><p>Even non difficult child persons make mistakes, even non manic people slip up. The ramifications of difficult child leaving and being missing yes, should be addressed, should be handled, and should have some type of consequence, BUT......it should fit the "crime" and his own reaction to him doing it should count for something and his current physical state, mental condition (inadequete medication coverage for his ILLNESS) should somehow be taken into some consideration. Unless HE is refuseing medications- in my humble opinion he should not be punished so heavily and rigidly and for so long to such a degree for symptoms that are part and parcel of his documented ILLNESS. My experience with my ill family members is that if you begin to come down so extremely hard and heavy and scrutinize so intensely, it can make the person feel as if it simply does not matter if they are EVER "behaving" becuz the least little slip of behavior is going to result in extreme restriction, anyway, so they begin to stop careing, give up, stop trying, lose pride in the positive steps they have taken. They can also begin to lose faith that they CAN ever make a sound decision on their own. It can create a person who becomes so immobilized by self doubt, they lose ability to function rather than grow and learn at all. (Actually, I think this is where we are with my oldest difficult child-----her therapist and in home care providers and school 1-1 aides etc even scrutinized how she brushed her teeth, how she smiled, when she smiled- to such an extreme, Buffy STILL is unsure of makeing even the most simple ordnirary autopilot decisions on her own) </p><p>OK so difficult child messed up- was MIA for 2 hours.....rathe than simply horsetie him..help him learn and grow from the "mistake" ANd truth is.....a person running off and being MIA is not all so pathological as some might want to have you believe. Is it dangerous? Sure, it can be. Is it scary, you bet, especially when it is your child or when it is someone who is mentally ill, for sure it can be very scary and dangerous......</p><p>BUT small children attempt it, teens do it, even easy child teens.....adults do it, even responsible adults sometimes pull this stunt if they think they can get away with it.....heck even ANIMALS do it.....It could have been used as a teaching tool....sure there could have been consequences, but-----this PO seems to have gone off the deep end. And the prior incident of the laptop getting destroyed? Those people who doled out the punishments for that incident also in my humble opinion went overboard, as well, and THAT spilled over into this problem. I canot help but wonder how it all must feel to your difficult child? I am afraid if I were difficult child I would be freaking out a little wondering why all the adults are reacting so extreme for the events that have occured. I wonder if he is thinking gosh darn, the adults are all running amok behaving in ways they punish me harshly for- they are over reacting and I am catching the brunt of it all. </p><p></p><p>Seriously, the punishments need to fit the crimes. And positive steps and efforts need to be acknowledged. There needs to be some balance, and also some fairness. This PO seems to be acting MORE GFGish than your difficult child! </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you guys. I sure am sorry you are haveing to deal with all this....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 153123, member: 1697"] with my difficult child we reached a point of extreme where the restraints confinement etc were just so extreme and so rigid, difficult child could not grow if she had been inclined too. She was bound SO tight, there was no room to grow. And when a person is scrutinized so extremely intensely, it must be suffocating....I bet if you are suffocating you cannot grow, either. Even non difficult child persons make mistakes, even non manic people slip up. The ramifications of difficult child leaving and being missing yes, should be addressed, should be handled, and should have some type of consequence, BUT......it should fit the "crime" and his own reaction to him doing it should count for something and his current physical state, mental condition (inadequete medication coverage for his ILLNESS) should somehow be taken into some consideration. Unless HE is refuseing medications- in my humble opinion he should not be punished so heavily and rigidly and for so long to such a degree for symptoms that are part and parcel of his documented ILLNESS. My experience with my ill family members is that if you begin to come down so extremely hard and heavy and scrutinize so intensely, it can make the person feel as if it simply does not matter if they are EVER "behaving" becuz the least little slip of behavior is going to result in extreme restriction, anyway, so they begin to stop careing, give up, stop trying, lose pride in the positive steps they have taken. They can also begin to lose faith that they CAN ever make a sound decision on their own. It can create a person who becomes so immobilized by self doubt, they lose ability to function rather than grow and learn at all. (Actually, I think this is where we are with my oldest difficult child-----her therapist and in home care providers and school 1-1 aides etc even scrutinized how she brushed her teeth, how she smiled, when she smiled- to such an extreme, Buffy STILL is unsure of makeing even the most simple ordnirary autopilot decisions on her own) OK so difficult child messed up- was MIA for 2 hours.....rathe than simply horsetie him..help him learn and grow from the "mistake" ANd truth is.....a person running off and being MIA is not all so pathological as some might want to have you believe. Is it dangerous? Sure, it can be. Is it scary, you bet, especially when it is your child or when it is someone who is mentally ill, for sure it can be very scary and dangerous...... BUT small children attempt it, teens do it, even easy child teens.....adults do it, even responsible adults sometimes pull this stunt if they think they can get away with it.....heck even ANIMALS do it.....It could have been used as a teaching tool....sure there could have been consequences, but-----this PO seems to have gone off the deep end. And the prior incident of the laptop getting destroyed? Those people who doled out the punishments for that incident also in my humble opinion went overboard, as well, and THAT spilled over into this problem. I canot help but wonder how it all must feel to your difficult child? I am afraid if I were difficult child I would be freaking out a little wondering why all the adults are reacting so extreme for the events that have occured. I wonder if he is thinking gosh darn, the adults are all running amok behaving in ways they punish me harshly for- they are over reacting and I am catching the brunt of it all. Seriously, the punishments need to fit the crimes. And positive steps and efforts need to be acknowledged. There needs to be some balance, and also some fairness. This PO seems to be acting MORE GFGish than your difficult child! Hugs to you guys. I sure am sorry you are haveing to deal with all this.... [/QUOTE]
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