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General Parenting
Creative approach or neglect?
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<blockquote data-quote="Dharmamama" data-source="post: 374618"><p>Several months ago my husband and I made a difficult decision. We decided that since our difficult child wouldn't allow us to parent him and repeatedly stated that he just wants out of our home because we are so horrible to him, we would give him the master suite of our house and turn it into an apartment for him. He has a bathroom a kitchenette and, until he broke the law, relative freedom to do as he pleased. I also buy his groceries every week. We installed a door to the outside of the house as well.</p><p></p><p>This allows the rest of the family to have a respite from the hitting of sisters, stealing of property, cash, credit cards and the utter lack of peace in our home.</p><p></p><p>Our rules: no drinking or drugs in his apartment, no girls home by legal curfew and at the family dinner table by 7pm (he's still loved, after all).</p><p></p><p>His response: he has informed everyone we know that we are neglecting him and had someone call CPS because we told him he couldn't live at his drug dealer's house. He drank in his room, refused to follow curfew and slept with his sister's friend while she was sleeping over (I checked in at bedtime and all was well).</p><p></p><p>CPS found the charge unsubstantiated eventually but we were told that we couldn't lock his door to our house. We explained that it was a necessary boundary and that unless we were violating the law, our home would remain off limits to difficult child except at dinner.</p><p></p><p>Are we wrong to implement this strategy? The girls are happier, difficult child supposedly got what he wanted and all of his needs are being met so why do I feel guilty? What more can we do for the kid while maintaining the right to security and peace for the rest of the family?</p><p></p><p>He's not welcome in our home and, yes, the whole idea of that is wrong, but I'm tired of hearing my daughters make excuses for why he hits them and catching him rifling through my drawers looking for stuff to steal.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dharmamama, post: 374618"] Several months ago my husband and I made a difficult decision. We decided that since our difficult child wouldn't allow us to parent him and repeatedly stated that he just wants out of our home because we are so horrible to him, we would give him the master suite of our house and turn it into an apartment for him. He has a bathroom a kitchenette and, until he broke the law, relative freedom to do as he pleased. I also buy his groceries every week. We installed a door to the outside of the house as well. This allows the rest of the family to have a respite from the hitting of sisters, stealing of property, cash, credit cards and the utter lack of peace in our home. Our rules: no drinking or drugs in his apartment, no girls home by legal curfew and at the family dinner table by 7pm (he's still loved, after all). His response: he has informed everyone we know that we are neglecting him and had someone call CPS because we told him he couldn't live at his drug dealer's house. He drank in his room, refused to follow curfew and slept with his sister's friend while she was sleeping over (I checked in at bedtime and all was well). CPS found the charge unsubstantiated eventually but we were told that we couldn't lock his door to our house. We explained that it was a necessary boundary and that unless we were violating the law, our home would remain off limits to difficult child except at dinner. Are we wrong to implement this strategy? The girls are happier, difficult child supposedly got what he wanted and all of his needs are being met so why do I feel guilty? What more can we do for the kid while maintaining the right to security and peace for the rest of the family? He's not welcome in our home and, yes, the whole idea of that is wrong, but I'm tired of hearing my daughters make excuses for why he hits them and catching him rifling through my drawers looking for stuff to steal. [/QUOTE]
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