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Crisis abroad
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 424691"><p>What Star said. I enlisted in the army myself when I was 21 because my life had unravelled (due to my immaturity, decadence, pot-smoking and partying--not quite difficult child level as I wasn't defiant or criminal or mean or amoral or jobless or any of that--I was just decadent and foolish and gradually spiraling downward) to the point that I was afraid I was on the verge of serious loserdom and I feared that intensely. The army saved me. Seriously. 3 years later I was confident, strong, self-disciplined, justifiably proud of myself, now a man and no longer a boy, with a big army VEAP fund for college and a full scholarship to the college of my choice. For young people who are wayward and decadent and immature and foolish and all of that, a hitch in the military can be absolutely the right and best thing to do. I know this from experience.</p><p></p><p>That said, I should add that if a kid is a full-on Conduct Disorder difficult child--i.e., not just decadent and immature and foolish but also amoral and remorseless and criminally inclined and besotted with drug-taking and all of that--a hitch in the military is very unlikely to "fix" him and, in fact, it's very likely that the kid will "wash out" fairly early in his training or enlistment. The military is not a therapeutic community designed for the treatment and correction of ODD/Conduct Disorder/Anti-Social Personality Disorder, nor should it be. </p><p></p><p>My guess is that your son had the same realization that I had--that his life was a shambles and he needed structure, discipline, and maturation or he would be really miserable and perhaps never succeed in life--and enlisted for the same reason: to get "fixed." I think that's GREAT--it really does work for the right sort of kid. If he is that sort of kid and the military does perform the personal transformation he's seeking, you won't have to worry about him contacting you eventually and returning to good relations with you--he'll want to do that. If, however, he's not the right sort of kid for the military, he'll wash out and that'll be a very sobering realization for him: here I am, and there's no safety net like the military to catch me as I fall. *Then* he may call you, but I'm not sure that'll be a good thing for you: he may just want shelter and help as a stopgap, without having really changed, and you see all over this forum how endless and futile that can be for all concerned. </p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you. I hope the military does for him what it did for me: probably the single most helpful and formative and salutary thing I've ever done for myself. It remains the platform upon which I built the rest of my early adulthood--it was invaluable. May it be so for your boy as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 424691"] What Star said. I enlisted in the army myself when I was 21 because my life had unravelled (due to my immaturity, decadence, pot-smoking and partying--not quite difficult child level as I wasn't defiant or criminal or mean or amoral or jobless or any of that--I was just decadent and foolish and gradually spiraling downward) to the point that I was afraid I was on the verge of serious loserdom and I feared that intensely. The army saved me. Seriously. 3 years later I was confident, strong, self-disciplined, justifiably proud of myself, now a man and no longer a boy, with a big army VEAP fund for college and a full scholarship to the college of my choice. For young people who are wayward and decadent and immature and foolish and all of that, a hitch in the military can be absolutely the right and best thing to do. I know this from experience. That said, I should add that if a kid is a full-on Conduct Disorder difficult child--i.e., not just decadent and immature and foolish but also amoral and remorseless and criminally inclined and besotted with drug-taking and all of that--a hitch in the military is very unlikely to "fix" him and, in fact, it's very likely that the kid will "wash out" fairly early in his training or enlistment. The military is not a therapeutic community designed for the treatment and correction of ODD/Conduct Disorder/Anti-Social Personality Disorder, nor should it be. My guess is that your son had the same realization that I had--that his life was a shambles and he needed structure, discipline, and maturation or he would be really miserable and perhaps never succeed in life--and enlisted for the same reason: to get "fixed." I think that's GREAT--it really does work for the right sort of kid. If he is that sort of kid and the military does perform the personal transformation he's seeking, you won't have to worry about him contacting you eventually and returning to good relations with you--he'll want to do that. If, however, he's not the right sort of kid for the military, he'll wash out and that'll be a very sobering realization for him: here I am, and there's no safety net like the military to catch me as I fall. *Then* he may call you, but I'm not sure that'll be a good thing for you: he may just want shelter and help as a stopgap, without having really changed, and you see all over this forum how endless and futile that can be for all concerned. My heart goes out to you. I hope the military does for him what it did for me: probably the single most helpful and formative and salutary thing I've ever done for myself. It remains the platform upon which I built the rest of my early adulthood--it was invaluable. May it be so for your boy as well. [/QUOTE]
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