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Crisis abroad
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 424723"><p>A final word of what I hope will be taken as encouuragement, although it's hard medicine: if he reforms himself and his life via the military or some other experiential vehicle of personal change, you'll hear from him again--I assure you of that. He'll be as I was at the end of completing basic training: proud and much improved and wanting to share that feeling with the very people whom I had previously blamed for most of my problems: my parents. Until he undergoes such a personal reformation, he either won't want to contact you (as he'll still dwell in childish anger at you and displacement of the responsibility for all of his problems on you), which will be a good thing, as you don't want to be dealing with an adult child when he's like that, or he'll contact you grudgingly and/or insincerely, seeking shelter and material/financial support but with no sincere desire to change--and believe me, you don't want that either, as you see in this forum how much misery that can create for everyone concerned. So you're actually in a pretty good position right now: he has begun an endeavor--i.e., military service--which has the greatest possible likelihood of changing him forever for the good. If he succeeds there, you'll get your son back, and he'll be a son you'll truly enjoy. If he doesn't, believe me, you're lucky not to hear from him. Meanwhile, get on with your life. He has damaged 18 years of it--don't let him devastate 18 more. Good luck to all of you...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 424723"] A final word of what I hope will be taken as encouuragement, although it's hard medicine: if he reforms himself and his life via the military or some other experiential vehicle of personal change, you'll hear from him again--I assure you of that. He'll be as I was at the end of completing basic training: proud and much improved and wanting to share that feeling with the very people whom I had previously blamed for most of my problems: my parents. Until he undergoes such a personal reformation, he either won't want to contact you (as he'll still dwell in childish anger at you and displacement of the responsibility for all of his problems on you), which will be a good thing, as you don't want to be dealing with an adult child when he's like that, or he'll contact you grudgingly and/or insincerely, seeking shelter and material/financial support but with no sincere desire to change--and believe me, you don't want that either, as you see in this forum how much misery that can create for everyone concerned. So you're actually in a pretty good position right now: he has begun an endeavor--i.e., military service--which has the greatest possible likelihood of changing him forever for the good. If he succeeds there, you'll get your son back, and he'll be a son you'll truly enjoy. If he doesn't, believe me, you're lucky not to hear from him. Meanwhile, get on with your life. He has damaged 18 years of it--don't let him devastate 18 more. Good luck to all of you... [/QUOTE]
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