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Crying as I write this...
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 350541" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I'm so sorry Beth. I've been there done that and I know how hard it is. And the others are right. It's the fear of the unknown that is the worst, and the "death of the dream" when you finally realize that it's not ever going to get any better, only worse, and you have those tough decisions to make.</p><p> </p><p>When it happened at our house, the first few days were sort of 'shell shock' and confusion. But then this sense of quiet and peace seemed to spread through the house and the kids and I started to decompress and relax for the first time in years. We had been walking on eggs and tiptoeing around him for so long that it had become a way of life and suddenly we didn't have to do that any more! My kids were 15 and 20 at the time and the change in them was amazing when they didn't have to live in fear in their own home any more. You will probably see this too. At first I was very worried about money because he wasn't exactly great about paying child support. But I soon started feeling very empowered as I realized that the decisions were all <u>mine</u> to make now and that <u>I</u> was in control and by careful planning we were actually doing better than we were with him there.</p><p> </p><p>My ex would scream and cuss at us till his face turned purple, mostly at me but my son caught his share too. And it took him quite a while and a little more maturity for him to realize that he didn't deserve that, that none of it was his fault - he was just one of the targets for his father's rage. It wasn't easy but my kids came through it fine and so will yours. I firmly believe that as long as they have ONE loving, concerned, caring parent that they know they can rely on, they will thrive. It's not easy but you will get through this too and so will your kids. Sending lots of (((hugs))).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 350541, member: 1883"] I'm so sorry Beth. I've been there done that and I know how hard it is. And the others are right. It's the fear of the unknown that is the worst, and the "death of the dream" when you finally realize that it's not ever going to get any better, only worse, and you have those tough decisions to make. When it happened at our house, the first few days were sort of 'shell shock' and confusion. But then this sense of quiet and peace seemed to spread through the house and the kids and I started to decompress and relax for the first time in years. We had been walking on eggs and tiptoeing around him for so long that it had become a way of life and suddenly we didn't have to do that any more! My kids were 15 and 20 at the time and the change in them was amazing when they didn't have to live in fear in their own home any more. You will probably see this too. At first I was very worried about money because he wasn't exactly great about paying child support. But I soon started feeling very empowered as I realized that the decisions were all [U]mine[/U] to make now and that [U]I[/U] was in control and by careful planning we were actually doing better than we were with him there. My ex would scream and cuss at us till his face turned purple, mostly at me but my son caught his share too. And it took him quite a while and a little more maturity for him to realize that he didn't deserve that, that none of it was his fault - he was just one of the targets for his father's rage. It wasn't easy but my kids came through it fine and so will yours. I firmly believe that as long as they have ONE loving, concerned, caring parent that they know they can rely on, they will thrive. It's not easy but you will get through this too and so will your kids. Sending lots of (((hugs))). [/QUOTE]
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