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Crying for difficult child and PTSD
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 275141" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I wanted to send you a hug - and some information via PM - but your's is disabled. </p><p> </p><p>You are doing yourself and her NO favors by wanting to curl up into a ball. YES it hurts, YES, it's awful, YES it can make you go crazy. However here's what I can tell you publically about kids who are abused sexually - they need therapy. Keeping it all bottled up inside has already caused her some serious problems. Talking about it - IS almost like living it all over again - day by day - BUT - talking about it with a therapist is like talking about it ONE MORE TIME and then learning SKILLS to cope. NOT talking about it or NOT doing anything about it because she does "want" to go - is going to cause near irrepairable damage. I know because I lived it in my marriage and with my child. </p><p> </p><p>A TON more goes on behind the scenes in your brain regarding a molestation than we realize. IF she refuses to see a counselor - HOW about a female counselor at a domestic violence shelter? How about if YOU go too -so that you can deal with the PTSD you are having from this experience as well and you both maybe see the same person/ seperately, but together? </p><p> </p><p>You and your daughter are in CRISIS.....this is huge and scary and I can't imagine what she's feeling. She sounds like she is having some body dysmorphic disorder issues and those can be helped - but not if you continue to let her call the shots. </p><p> </p><p>Do you think I WANTED to hear what happened to my child? DO you think I wanted to sit there and listen to how he's supposed to forgive and move forward? Heck no - I wanted to kill this man 10 times...and then ten more. </p><p> </p><p>But.....it CONSUMED my life and I could scarcely think of ANYTHING else day after day - and it will wear you out. I had NO idea what could be done.....when I found out? I was in the biggest denial of anyone that ever was when the counselor told me what she suspected. I got up - I threw her papers at her - I left in a huff, I slammed the door open - and I was so angry I could not see. I literally sat in my car, having a spasm of chest pains and migraines and she came out after me and threw some literature in my car. Later I dug it out of the trash and taped it together - because what if? </p><p> </p><p>YOU already KNOW there is no what if......it's a FOR SURE. So go from there. You can be brave for both of you. EMDR therapy was very helpful for me and to a point with my child. BUT some of what happened to him is so painful and so horrible and horrific that he has blocked it out and refuses to speak about it......the therapist told us he may NEVER speak about it - or someday he may just come forward and start talking about it. That will be OKAY because I got therapy to be able to help him....I got prepared.....I got information. I educated myself for myself and for the well being of my son so that I could say - "Yes - here's what we can do." </p><p> </p><p>MOST if not all of me felt exactly like you and wanted to die. But I realized I can't help anyone if I don't know what is going on. </p><p> </p><p>What I'm trying to say is your daughter HAS a chance at a "normal" life - but you're going to have to be brave enough, and tough enough, and strong enough to lead her to places she's not going to go willingly because there will be pain. But think about pain one more time - and coping skills or pain for life? I'd go for one more time pain. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>HUGE hugs - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 275141, member: 4964"] I wanted to send you a hug - and some information via PM - but your's is disabled. You are doing yourself and her NO favors by wanting to curl up into a ball. YES it hurts, YES, it's awful, YES it can make you go crazy. However here's what I can tell you publically about kids who are abused sexually - they need therapy. Keeping it all bottled up inside has already caused her some serious problems. Talking about it - IS almost like living it all over again - day by day - BUT - talking about it with a therapist is like talking about it ONE MORE TIME and then learning SKILLS to cope. NOT talking about it or NOT doing anything about it because she does "want" to go - is going to cause near irrepairable damage. I know because I lived it in my marriage and with my child. A TON more goes on behind the scenes in your brain regarding a molestation than we realize. IF she refuses to see a counselor - HOW about a female counselor at a domestic violence shelter? How about if YOU go too -so that you can deal with the PTSD you are having from this experience as well and you both maybe see the same person/ seperately, but together? You and your daughter are in CRISIS.....this is huge and scary and I can't imagine what she's feeling. She sounds like she is having some body dysmorphic disorder issues and those can be helped - but not if you continue to let her call the shots. Do you think I WANTED to hear what happened to my child? DO you think I wanted to sit there and listen to how he's supposed to forgive and move forward? Heck no - I wanted to kill this man 10 times...and then ten more. But.....it CONSUMED my life and I could scarcely think of ANYTHING else day after day - and it will wear you out. I had NO idea what could be done.....when I found out? I was in the biggest denial of anyone that ever was when the counselor told me what she suspected. I got up - I threw her papers at her - I left in a huff, I slammed the door open - and I was so angry I could not see. I literally sat in my car, having a spasm of chest pains and migraines and she came out after me and threw some literature in my car. Later I dug it out of the trash and taped it together - because what if? YOU already KNOW there is no what if......it's a FOR SURE. So go from there. You can be brave for both of you. EMDR therapy was very helpful for me and to a point with my child. BUT some of what happened to him is so painful and so horrible and horrific that he has blocked it out and refuses to speak about it......the therapist told us he may NEVER speak about it - or someday he may just come forward and start talking about it. That will be OKAY because I got therapy to be able to help him....I got prepared.....I got information. I educated myself for myself and for the well being of my son so that I could say - "Yes - here's what we can do." MOST if not all of me felt exactly like you and wanted to die. But I realized I can't help anyone if I don't know what is going on. What I'm trying to say is your daughter HAS a chance at a "normal" life - but you're going to have to be brave enough, and tough enough, and strong enough to lead her to places she's not going to go willingly because there will be pain. But think about pain one more time - and coping skills or pain for life? I'd go for one more time pain. Hugs & Love HUGE hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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