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Crying for difficult child and PTSD
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 275377" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Dara, a couple of different directions here. Not that you haven't already gotten some good advice, just wanted to add an extra dimension.</p><p></p><p>First, I attended a seminar the other night by Dr Norman Doidge, on how the brain can adapt amazingly, to learn good skills as well as bad. PTSD is an example of the brain learning bad mental habits which need to be changed. Body dysmorphia is closely linked in there too. I bought the book - "The Brain That Changes Itself".</p><p></p><p>Now, to your daughter - she beleives she is ugly "down there" and wants surgery. BUT - a reputable surgeon won't do the surgery if the problem is not going to be fixed by surgery. And in her case, her problem is in her visualisation of herslef and that is unlikely to change. She needs to heal her mental image of hersewlf, before she can go under the knife.</p><p></p><p>If she really is a candidate for surgery, she would have to get her head sorted first, so the surgeon knows exactly what is left to do.</p><p></p><p>So if she really wants the surgery - then she HAS to consent to psychiatric counselling/treatment first, as a preparation for the surgery. </p><p></p><p>If she won't accept this, then she has to accept that she will focus a great deal of wasted energy on searching for an answer surgically, to a problem which has been inflicted on her by her abuser.</p><p></p><p>And despite her remembering that she participated and didn't fight him off - even if she was recruited to enjoy the sex, she still is a victim of abuse and cannot be considered a willing participant because at her age it can never be considered "informed consent". She was simply not old enough to know what she was agreeing to, what she was letting herself in for. Her abuser should have kept her safe but instead chose to take advantage of the situation. Her abuser may in fact have sought you out purely because you had a child tat he wanted. A friend of mine went through this, her second husband wooed her, because he wanted access to the daughter. When the girl finally stopped the abuse, the husband lost interest in the wife and instead moved in with daughter's best friend (who he had also recruited as a back-up 'girlfriend' - the creep). And in that case - no charges were laid because the mother and the girl were both confused over who was at fault (the husband blamed his wife for 'being cold' and driving him into the arms of the ready and willnig daughter - of course, not true and simply an abuser's way of trying to get away with it all). So the bloke got away with it, has probably moved on to abuse someone else. He ruined two families at least, and no repercussions for him. Hey, it happens. Too often, sadly. But the family have moved on and begun to heal, knowing he can't hurt them again.</p><p></p><p>SO in your search for a shrink, look for someone who has knowledge of/support of "neuroplasticity" and also who will work with you in assessing her mental suitability for plastic surgery (which has nothing to do with neuroplasticity, except that in both terms, "plastic" means "moldable").</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 275377, member: 1991"] Dara, a couple of different directions here. Not that you haven't already gotten some good advice, just wanted to add an extra dimension. First, I attended a seminar the other night by Dr Norman Doidge, on how the brain can adapt amazingly, to learn good skills as well as bad. PTSD is an example of the brain learning bad mental habits which need to be changed. Body dysmorphia is closely linked in there too. I bought the book - "The Brain That Changes Itself". Now, to your daughter - she beleives she is ugly "down there" and wants surgery. BUT - a reputable surgeon won't do the surgery if the problem is not going to be fixed by surgery. And in her case, her problem is in her visualisation of herslef and that is unlikely to change. She needs to heal her mental image of hersewlf, before she can go under the knife. If she really is a candidate for surgery, she would have to get her head sorted first, so the surgeon knows exactly what is left to do. So if she really wants the surgery - then she HAS to consent to psychiatric counselling/treatment first, as a preparation for the surgery. If she won't accept this, then she has to accept that she will focus a great deal of wasted energy on searching for an answer surgically, to a problem which has been inflicted on her by her abuser. And despite her remembering that she participated and didn't fight him off - even if she was recruited to enjoy the sex, she still is a victim of abuse and cannot be considered a willing participant because at her age it can never be considered "informed consent". She was simply not old enough to know what she was agreeing to, what she was letting herself in for. Her abuser should have kept her safe but instead chose to take advantage of the situation. Her abuser may in fact have sought you out purely because you had a child tat he wanted. A friend of mine went through this, her second husband wooed her, because he wanted access to the daughter. When the girl finally stopped the abuse, the husband lost interest in the wife and instead moved in with daughter's best friend (who he had also recruited as a back-up 'girlfriend' - the creep). And in that case - no charges were laid because the mother and the girl were both confused over who was at fault (the husband blamed his wife for 'being cold' and driving him into the arms of the ready and willnig daughter - of course, not true and simply an abuser's way of trying to get away with it all). So the bloke got away with it, has probably moved on to abuse someone else. He ruined two families at least, and no repercussions for him. Hey, it happens. Too often, sadly. But the family have moved on and begun to heal, knowing he can't hurt them again. SO in your search for a shrink, look for someone who has knowledge of/support of "neuroplasticity" and also who will work with you in assessing her mental suitability for plastic surgery (which has nothing to do with neuroplasticity, except that in both terms, "plastic" means "moldable"). Marg [/QUOTE]
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