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Substance Abuse
Cunning, baffling, powerful, and sophisticated
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 384251" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Well I went to Rome but I was a difficult child there too so dont count on Greece...lol. </p><p></p><p>If I counted on my fingers all the boys I thought I was in love with...well...I cant remember them all...sigh. The thing is, I used to be so proud of the fact (years ago) that I never slept with anyone that didnt tell me they loved me first. I actually thought that meant that they really did love me. Yeah I know. I was stupid with a capital S. They loved something but it wasnt me. Then I figured out what was going on and it meant that I wasnt worth squat. So I didnt care who used me. I had given it away so many times, nothing was important about me. I got to the point that I built a wall so no one could get inside to hurt me. I would hurt them/leave them first. It has taken me years and years to get over that. Im still not completely over it. I still cannot truly believe anyone can be trusted to not hurt me or to really love me. I have a huge problem in allowing myself to be vulnerable. It took me almost a year before I could actually let go and love Keyana fully because I was scared she would be taken from me. To be honest that is my biggest fear in the world. Now that I have let her get so close inside me, to lose her would kill me. </p><p></p><p>I dont know why I am telling you this. Maybe to let you understand the trust issues we have? I dont know. You have known me a long time and seen how I have been and come around. Dont know...I think you get me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 384251, member: 1514"] Well I went to Rome but I was a difficult child there too so dont count on Greece...lol. If I counted on my fingers all the boys I thought I was in love with...well...I cant remember them all...sigh. The thing is, I used to be so proud of the fact (years ago) that I never slept with anyone that didnt tell me they loved me first. I actually thought that meant that they really did love me. Yeah I know. I was stupid with a capital S. They loved something but it wasnt me. Then I figured out what was going on and it meant that I wasnt worth squat. So I didnt care who used me. I had given it away so many times, nothing was important about me. I got to the point that I built a wall so no one could get inside to hurt me. I would hurt them/leave them first. It has taken me years and years to get over that. Im still not completely over it. I still cannot truly believe anyone can be trusted to not hurt me or to really love me. I have a huge problem in allowing myself to be vulnerable. It took me almost a year before I could actually let go and love Keyana fully because I was scared she would be taken from me. To be honest that is my biggest fear in the world. Now that I have let her get so close inside me, to lose her would kill me. I dont know why I am telling you this. Maybe to let you understand the trust issues we have? I dont know. You have known me a long time and seen how I have been and come around. Dont know...I think you get me. [/QUOTE]
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Cunning, baffling, powerful, and sophisticated
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