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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 754911" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The plot thickens. Tornado has made a couple of calls from jail. Not pleasant. She wanted to speak with her kids. But first she sort of thanked me for taking care of them, then berated me for the situation with her eldest. Again, my fault. In her mind. I picked up because it was Christmas and I had hoped this time might be different.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>The thing is, my grands don’t want to talk with her.</p><p>Simple enough. I won’t force them.</p><p>So, I told her that they weren’t ready to speak with her. A spewing of wrath, “You are such a liar...let them tell me that....I don’t believe you” She had expressed to me when she was getting out she would come home. Home? Here? Sorry not possible. Another lashing out that “just because dad is dead doesn’t mean you have say over the house....I said bye and hung up. I don’t need to listen to that. She is still bent on blaming me for everything, unable to look at the consequences of her own choices.</p><p>Enters the social worker. You see, since my daughter was in custody, she was transported to court for the second permanency hearing and told the judge she would comply with services to prevent her parental rights from being terminated. Okay, this is a good thing. But, it also puts me back in the game.</p><p>The social worker tells me-</p><p>“I met with your daughter in jail. What are your thoughts about phone calls?”</p><p>“Ahh” I thought to myself “Tornado must have complained that she wasn’t able to speak with her kids.”</p><p>I told the social worker that my daughter could be extremely nice and clever with people, but is abusive and belligerent on the phone. That my grands do not want to speak with her.</p><p>She went on to say that my daughter still has parental rights and that if she complies with the plan, the kids will have to visit with her. I told her that I am trying to help my grands and don’t want to further traumatize them. That I understand that reunification is a possibility but at this time until my daughter gets treatment it is not healthy for any of us. She said that the kids need to see their mom anyway, that if she doesn’t change, it helps them understand why her rights may be terminated.</p><p>Okay.</p><p>What?</p><p>I am reading up on the idea of reunification, that kids do well when their parents get into treatment and get back on their feet. I get it. We all want our addicted loved ones to recover. </p><p>I told the social worker that I have been down this road too long, I know too much, have witnessed too much. </p><p>But that is just me. As a parent of an addict, the loss and suffering is ongoing, but I am an adult. What about these children? </p><p>I am already dealing with their trauma based behaviors. Trying to help them have stability. They are triggered so easily, setbacks are common. </p><p>I am trying to breath and not write the end of the story. Trying to take one day at a time. Trying to figure out how to move forward.</p><p>I think I will speak with the kids counselors and see what they say. Figure out a plan. I will have to make a plan to protect my heart as well.</p><p>I do want my daughter to get well. I do hope she is truly ready and willing to make changes for her own sake and for her kids. I just don’t want to see them hurt and let down again. I am the one who will have to deal with the repercussions. </p><p>Oh boy. </p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 754911, member: 19522"] The plot thickens. Tornado has made a couple of calls from jail. Not pleasant. She wanted to speak with her kids. But first she sort of thanked me for taking care of them, then berated me for the situation with her eldest. Again, my fault. In her mind. I picked up because it was Christmas and I had hoped this time might be different. Sigh. The thing is, my grands don’t want to talk with her. Simple enough. I won’t force them. So, I told her that they weren’t ready to speak with her. A spewing of wrath, “You are such a liar...let them tell me that....I don’t believe you” She had expressed to me when she was getting out she would come home. Home? Here? Sorry not possible. Another lashing out that “just because dad is dead doesn’t mean you have say over the house....I said bye and hung up. I don’t need to listen to that. She is still bent on blaming me for everything, unable to look at the consequences of her own choices. Enters the social worker. You see, since my daughter was in custody, she was transported to court for the second permanency hearing and told the judge she would comply with services to prevent her parental rights from being terminated. Okay, this is a good thing. But, it also puts me back in the game. The social worker tells me- “I met with your daughter in jail. What are your thoughts about phone calls?” “Ahh” I thought to myself “Tornado must have complained that she wasn’t able to speak with her kids.” I told the social worker that my daughter could be extremely nice and clever with people, but is abusive and belligerent on the phone. That my grands do not want to speak with her. She went on to say that my daughter still has parental rights and that if she complies with the plan, the kids will have to visit with her. I told her that I am trying to help my grands and don’t want to further traumatize them. That I understand that reunification is a possibility but at this time until my daughter gets treatment it is not healthy for any of us. She said that the kids need to see their mom anyway, that if she doesn’t change, it helps them understand why her rights may be terminated. Okay. What? I am reading up on the idea of reunification, that kids do well when their parents get into treatment and get back on their feet. I get it. We all want our addicted loved ones to recover. I told the social worker that I have been down this road too long, I know too much, have witnessed too much. But that is just me. As a parent of an addict, the loss and suffering is ongoing, but I am an adult. What about these children? I am already dealing with their trauma based behaviors. Trying to help them have stability. They are triggered so easily, setbacks are common. I am trying to breath and not write the end of the story. Trying to take one day at a time. Trying to figure out how to move forward. I think I will speak with the kids counselors and see what they say. Figure out a plan. I will have to make a plan to protect my heart as well. I do want my daughter to get well. I do hope she is truly ready and willing to make changes for her own sake and for her kids. I just don’t want to see them hurt and let down again. I am the one who will have to deal with the repercussions. Oh boy. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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