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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 754935" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi all, well surprise, surprise I got a phone call from Tornado asking me to call the residential treatment center and put in a good word for her because space is limited and supposedly relatives calling holds sway. So I did speak with a counselor. We shall see what happens. I don’t know if her motivation is to get out of jail, or her kids, only time will tell.Not holding my breath. TNT, I feel the same. It is time for her to do the work in proving that she is ready to straighten up her act.You didn’t sound harsh, just real. Thank you for your honest thoughts and prayers.</p><p></p><p> It confounds me and my well children that this is the case with my grands. They were left by both parents for three years. Is that not enough? I understand the idea that kids fare better when their parents recover. But...the odds of that happening are slim. However, I am not closing the door on my daughter. I do hope she follows through. One of the things I have always taught my children is that we all have an opportunity to change our ways. It will take time and a monumental effort on Tornados part to prove herself.</p><p></p><p> Yup minute by minute. For sure. I have to stay in the present and not let my mind wander to outcomes.</p><p> I have thought the same myself, Apple. I think the hardest thing for the kids would be to have their hopes dashed again. They have endured so much throughout their lives. Haven’t had much of a childhood. They are very traumatized by their experiences. I get the brunt of their misery. So, it is double jeopardy for me. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I did not detect much concern for the kids. I think the concentration is on legal rights of the parent. I wish the parameters that are mandated on foster parenting would be as rigorous for parents.</p><p>No way. But I do believe I have some leverage with the kids being older.</p><p></p><p> This is my hope. I don’t know if the kids will express their deepest fears because they are not at a place where they speak openly about their history. It comes out in rages, re-enactments, fits and behaviors, regression to younger ages, outbursts of past trauma that they have not yet begun to process. They are trying to live normal lives, to fit in with their peers, to not stand out. They have yet to recognize their need for counseling. There are many bridges we need to cross in order for them to turn down their heightened fright or flight reaction. They need to be heard, have their own opinion and choice. Otherwise I fear we may go down a very dark road. I am waiting on intense in home counseling for the younger two and have recently learned that all the paperwork is done <em>waiting</em> on the social workers signature. She claims to be playing phone tag with the service counselors, they say their part is done, they just need her to sign the forms and return them. Ugh. The maze of bureaucracy is difficult, winding around overworked understaffed agencies. Trying to advocate for services without stepping on toes. It’s hard, one has to have diplomacy so as not to incur wrath by way of dragging the process out, paperwork lost in the pile so to speak. I will try my best to make sure the kids perspective is honored. A call to their guardian ad litem is one way to work through red tape, but that comes at the cost of alienating the social worker. Sorry I am rambling. The system is definitely lacking. I am navigating new territory and trying to do what’s best for my grands. At the same time, if by some miracle my daughter sincerely wants to get off the streets and come clean, take care of her kids, that will be a huge step. She will have to understand their anger, their fear. She will have to acknowledge her role in their brokenness. She will have to see that her lifestyle and choices have hurt all of us, especially her kids. I don’t know how a recovering addict can deal with traumatized kids. It’s hard enough for me to train myself to use a therapeutic voice, to not take their acting out personally, to work hard at earning their trust, providing enriching experiences. They are mad at the world. They are difficult to deal with. Wary. They isolate. Break things. Test. “If I do this or that, will you still love me?”</p><p>At times, it is like working with three year olds in teenage bodies. That takes a whole lot of patience and holding back my own feelings. I don’t know how my daughter would deal with the frustration. I don’t know how much or how long CWS would be watching over her.</p><p>This is all looking into the future with concerns, doubts and worry. I must try to stay present. But, it is good to brainstorm about what may or may not be so I am prepared.</p><p>Tornado called again, wanting me to call the rehab <em>daily</em> advocating for her. Um no. That’s overkill. From what I hear, she is most anxious to get out of jail. It is severely overcrowded, often in lockdown, three people to a small cell. Yah, jail is uncomfortable, unless you are Martha Stewart.</p><p>I will just have to work at slowing my thoughts down, getting a plan on paper, talking with the kids therapists and going from there.</p><p>One red flag is that Tornado said residential treatment is for <em>one month</em>. I don’t for one nano second think that is long enough. After so many years of actively using, one month?</p><p>I have my work cut out for me.</p><p>Thank you all for your thoughts, love and kindness.</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 754935, member: 19522"] Hi all, well surprise, surprise I got a phone call from Tornado asking me to call the residential treatment center and put in a good word for her because space is limited and supposedly relatives calling holds sway. So I did speak with a counselor. We shall see what happens. I don’t know if her motivation is to get out of jail, or her kids, only time will tell.Not holding my breath. TNT, I feel the same. It is time for her to do the work in proving that she is ready to straighten up her act.You didn’t sound harsh, just real. Thank you for your honest thoughts and prayers. It confounds me and my well children that this is the case with my grands. They were left by both parents for three years. Is that not enough? I understand the idea that kids fare better when their parents recover. But...the odds of that happening are slim. However, I am not closing the door on my daughter. I do hope she follows through. One of the things I have always taught my children is that we all have an opportunity to change our ways. It will take time and a monumental effort on Tornados part to prove herself. Yup minute by minute. For sure. I have to stay in the present and not let my mind wander to outcomes. I have thought the same myself, Apple. I think the hardest thing for the kids would be to have their hopes dashed again. They have endured so much throughout their lives. Haven’t had much of a childhood. They are very traumatized by their experiences. I get the brunt of their misery. So, it is double jeopardy for me. I did not detect much concern for the kids. I think the concentration is on legal rights of the parent. I wish the parameters that are mandated on foster parenting would be as rigorous for parents. No way. But I do believe I have some leverage with the kids being older. This is my hope. I don’t know if the kids will express their deepest fears because they are not at a place where they speak openly about their history. It comes out in rages, re-enactments, fits and behaviors, regression to younger ages, outbursts of past trauma that they have not yet begun to process. They are trying to live normal lives, to fit in with their peers, to not stand out. They have yet to recognize their need for counseling. There are many bridges we need to cross in order for them to turn down their heightened fright or flight reaction. They need to be heard, have their own opinion and choice. Otherwise I fear we may go down a very dark road. I am waiting on intense in home counseling for the younger two and have recently learned that all the paperwork is done [I]waiting[/I] on the social workers signature. She claims to be playing phone tag with the service counselors, they say their part is done, they just need her to sign the forms and return them. Ugh. The maze of bureaucracy is difficult, winding around overworked understaffed agencies. Trying to advocate for services without stepping on toes. It’s hard, one has to have diplomacy so as not to incur wrath by way of dragging the process out, paperwork lost in the pile so to speak. I will try my best to make sure the kids perspective is honored. A call to their guardian ad litem is one way to work through red tape, but that comes at the cost of alienating the social worker. Sorry I am rambling. The system is definitely lacking. I am navigating new territory and trying to do what’s best for my grands. At the same time, if by some miracle my daughter sincerely wants to get off the streets and come clean, take care of her kids, that will be a huge step. She will have to understand their anger, their fear. She will have to acknowledge her role in their brokenness. She will have to see that her lifestyle and choices have hurt all of us, especially her kids. I don’t know how a recovering addict can deal with traumatized kids. It’s hard enough for me to train myself to use a therapeutic voice, to not take their acting out personally, to work hard at earning their trust, providing enriching experiences. They are mad at the world. They are difficult to deal with. Wary. They isolate. Break things. Test. “If I do this or that, will you still love me?” At times, it is like working with three year olds in teenage bodies. That takes a whole lot of patience and holding back my own feelings. I don’t know how my daughter would deal with the frustration. I don’t know how much or how long CWS would be watching over her. This is all looking into the future with concerns, doubts and worry. I must try to stay present. But, it is good to brainstorm about what may or may not be so I am prepared. Tornado called again, wanting me to call the rehab [I]daily[/I] advocating for her. Um no. That’s overkill. From what I hear, she is most anxious to get out of jail. It is severely overcrowded, often in lockdown, three people to a small cell. Yah, jail is uncomfortable, unless you are Martha Stewart. I will just have to work at slowing my thoughts down, getting a plan on paper, talking with the kids therapists and going from there. One red flag is that Tornado said residential treatment is for [I]one month[/I]. I don’t for one nano second think that is long enough. After so many years of actively using, one month? I have my work cut out for me. Thank you all for your thoughts, love and kindness. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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