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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754961" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear New Leaf (again)</p><p></p><p>I didn't address your real stressor, the reappearance of Tornado. I think this is because I feel just so protective of you. It's hard not to have our guard up about her. In these last years this has been a revolving door.</p><p></p><p>She is mean to you. You don't deserve her criticism. You deserve her gratitude, respect and love. I know that she can't be any different right now due to all of the drugs she ingests, but still. She is responsible. Even if she can't be, she is.</p><p></p><p>Your primary role right now as I see it is to be a mother-substitute to her kids, whom she has abandoned. I think your impulse, to protect them, is the only reasonable and responsible one. (Please see caveat below.)</p><p></p><p>While you can't permit that those kids be used and abused, again and again, you must give the appearance of collaborating and deferring to Child Welfare. You can't be in the position of seeming to withhold them from their mother, in a way that would jeopardize your custody.</p><p></p><p>I think you handled it just right with the social worker, to tell her exactly what happens when the kids talk to their Mom. Actually, I would keep notes, and I would volunteer to send the social worker a written chronicle of just what happens, with examples:.</p><p></p><p>T<em>he children became unstable, sad, and withdrawn. Susie cried for 20 minutes. She locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out for an hour. Finally, I had to open the door with a screw driver, because I was worried. Tommy wouldn't eat dinner. That's not like him. Usually, he scarfs down everything in sight. They yell and fight. They become volatile and impulsive. Peter bopped Adam over the head with a wooden spoon. Adam threw his tinker toys into the toilet. And flushed it. Neither child could fall asleep. Susie wouldn't let me turn out the light. Peter wet the bed. Johnny seems to compulsively overeat. He ate the whole box of Ding Dongs in 5 minutes.</em></p><p></p><p>This way, the decision to force the kids, to expose them to harm, will squarely reside with the social worker, for the time it takes you to mobilize third party experts to advocate for children.</p><p></p><p>I would write the names of the kids, the date and the times. The jail logs phone calls by inmates. All of Tornado's calls can be verified. I would also ask the children's teachers to document any behavior or moods that come up, in writing.</p><p></p><p>At minimum you will have this log for your own reference.</p><p></p><p>That said, I would defer to the social worker. If she/he decides that the children <em>must</em> speak to their mother, or do anything else that you believe to compromise their welfare, I agree with Albatross: involve their therapists (actually I'd do that now.) And think about a guardian ad litem, and/or the court-appointed attorney for each child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754961, member: 18958"] Dear New Leaf (again) I didn't address your real stressor, the reappearance of Tornado. I think this is because I feel just so protective of you. It's hard not to have our guard up about her. In these last years this has been a revolving door. She is mean to you. You don't deserve her criticism. You deserve her gratitude, respect and love. I know that she can't be any different right now due to all of the drugs she ingests, but still. She is responsible. Even if she can't be, she is. Your primary role right now as I see it is to be a mother-substitute to her kids, whom she has abandoned. I think your impulse, to protect them, is the only reasonable and responsible one. (Please see caveat below.) While you can't permit that those kids be used and abused, again and again, you must give the appearance of collaborating and deferring to Child Welfare. You can't be in the position of seeming to withhold them from their mother, in a way that would jeopardize your custody. I think you handled it just right with the social worker, to tell her exactly what happens when the kids talk to their Mom. Actually, I would keep notes, and I would volunteer to send the social worker a written chronicle of just what happens, with examples:. T[I]he children became unstable, sad, and withdrawn. Susie cried for 20 minutes. She locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out for an hour. Finally, I had to open the door with a screw driver, because I was worried. Tommy wouldn't eat dinner. That's not like him. Usually, he scarfs down everything in sight. They yell and fight. They become volatile and impulsive. Peter bopped Adam over the head with a wooden spoon. Adam threw his tinker toys into the toilet. And flushed it. Neither child could fall asleep. Susie wouldn't let me turn out the light. Peter wet the bed. Johnny seems to compulsively overeat. He ate the whole box of Ding Dongs in 5 minutes.[/I] This way, the decision to force the kids, to expose them to harm, will squarely reside with the social worker, for the time it takes you to mobilize third party experts to advocate for children. I would write the names of the kids, the date and the times. The jail logs phone calls by inmates. All of Tornado's calls can be verified. I would also ask the children's teachers to document any behavior or moods that come up, in writing. At minimum you will have this log for your own reference. That said, I would defer to the social worker. If she/he decides that the children [I]must[/I] speak to their mother, or do anything else that you believe to compromise their welfare, I agree with Albatross: involve their therapists (actually I'd do that now.) And think about a guardian ad litem, and/or the court-appointed attorney for each child. [/QUOTE]
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