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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 754963" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Leafy,</p><p></p><p>I am angry for you. I will set that aside and offer my thoughts. Is it possible for you to record the phone calls from jail (especially if she speaks to the children)? You could have those transcribed as building a case in favor of the children. I agree with the others on enlisting the help of a third party for the grands.</p><p></p><p>I was wondering if the grands, could write letters to tornado in jail as a type of reunification (to demonstrate participation). They can be honest letters of their true feelings. They can detach with love, just as we can. Perhaps you could set boundaries, such as letters only, no phone calls until she is 60 days sober, or some variation thereof. That clears you from abuse and the grands have a choice if they want to open the letter. It gives them the opportunity to set boundaries for themselves, which we have all experienced can be a healing practice. I might even go as far as giving the grands the choice to have it read first by you and black out manipulative parts.</p><p></p><p>Has Tornado completed rehab in the past? My son went 5 times. He said the first one for me, the rest for a place to stay for 30 days. He didn't need rehab to get clean, he needed to decide he was done with drugs (his words, not mine). The rehab explained to me that rehab was just a "jump start" to have a sober living space with support, to help him focus on sobriety; and rest is up to the recovering addict. I wouldn't think her returning to your home a viable option. You have worked tirelessly to have a happy, healthy home for the grands. There are half way houses. The rehab my son went to advised against him coming home to the same environment. In sober living they have to drug test weekly to live there and are typically given time to find a job, chores, have to attend meetings, etc...</p><p></p><p>I haven't been through this, as I haven't had grands yet, so please forgive me if I overstep. I hope that your grands are close to legal age of an adult so that they can be left in peace. Do the grands journal? There may be things they have experienced that they haven't shared. I think everyone had good ideas on how to get teachers, counselors and 3rd parties involved.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing ALL of the right things. BRAVO to you for grasping the present, I had a hard time controlling my catastrophic thoughts. I am so very proud of you. You really put in the work to protect the grands, they are extremely blessed to have you. </p><p></p><p>It might be a good thing for her to be in jail, rather than rehab. Both places offer food, shelter, clothing and a place to get sober. One of those places don't require YOU to be responsible in any way for her. I know it's terrible to admit, but I was always relieved to have a break while he was away at "church camp". That was the lie I told his younger sisters (they forgave me).</p><p></p><p>I will offer warm, fuzzy thoughts and prayers for "reunification" of Tornado and her sober self. Sorry, that was snarky. I couldn't help myself, I feel protective of you and those babes! I really do pray for her to get sober and healthy.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>JMOM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 754963, member: 19892"] Leafy, I am angry for you. I will set that aside and offer my thoughts. Is it possible for you to record the phone calls from jail (especially if she speaks to the children)? You could have those transcribed as building a case in favor of the children. I agree with the others on enlisting the help of a third party for the grands. I was wondering if the grands, could write letters to tornado in jail as a type of reunification (to demonstrate participation). They can be honest letters of their true feelings. They can detach with love, just as we can. Perhaps you could set boundaries, such as letters only, no phone calls until she is 60 days sober, or some variation thereof. That clears you from abuse and the grands have a choice if they want to open the letter. It gives them the opportunity to set boundaries for themselves, which we have all experienced can be a healing practice. I might even go as far as giving the grands the choice to have it read first by you and black out manipulative parts. Has Tornado completed rehab in the past? My son went 5 times. He said the first one for me, the rest for a place to stay for 30 days. He didn't need rehab to get clean, he needed to decide he was done with drugs (his words, not mine). The rehab explained to me that rehab was just a "jump start" to have a sober living space with support, to help him focus on sobriety; and rest is up to the recovering addict. I wouldn't think her returning to your home a viable option. You have worked tirelessly to have a happy, healthy home for the grands. There are half way houses. The rehab my son went to advised against him coming home to the same environment. In sober living they have to drug test weekly to live there and are typically given time to find a job, chores, have to attend meetings, etc... I haven't been through this, as I haven't had grands yet, so please forgive me if I overstep. I hope that your grands are close to legal age of an adult so that they can be left in peace. Do the grands journal? There may be things they have experienced that they haven't shared. I think everyone had good ideas on how to get teachers, counselors and 3rd parties involved. I think you are doing ALL of the right things. BRAVO to you for grasping the present, I had a hard time controlling my catastrophic thoughts. I am so very proud of you. You really put in the work to protect the grands, they are extremely blessed to have you. It might be a good thing for her to be in jail, rather than rehab. Both places offer food, shelter, clothing and a place to get sober. One of those places don't require YOU to be responsible in any way for her. I know it's terrible to admit, but I was always relieved to have a break while he was away at "church camp". That was the lie I told his younger sisters (they forgave me). I will offer warm, fuzzy thoughts and prayers for "reunification" of Tornado and her sober self. Sorry, that was snarky. I couldn't help myself, I feel protective of you and those babes! I really do pray for her to get sober and healthy. Hugs, JMOM [/QUOTE]
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