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Daddy's girl and Mommy's boy
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<blockquote data-quote="Wonderful Family" data-source="post: 195641"><p>My children are both adopted - although both as infants. While my husband is very loving to both children; I'm definitely more connected with difficult child vs. my husband - he struggles with him no matter how he tries - he just doesn't "get" him-too emotional for a boy. However, what he does do well is trying to follow my cues and ideas (he has plenty too - of course) even if he can't connect emotionally at a given time. </p><p> </p><p>For my difficult child, nobody even had a clue what to do with him when he was younger; and we had no choice but to try to figure out for ourselves what was happening as much as we could.</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of the behavior, one of the best way we found around our house in the short term while trying to implement things like love and logic was to take the ability for difficult child to engage in certain behaviors. This is more neutral for difficult child and gets us out of the you can't make me mode. For example, locking the pantry door and keeping food we didn't want him to steal in the middle of the night (carbs, in his case).</p><p> </p><p>Right now, due to a recent death in the family, we have moved from incredible difficult child during crisis mode to the fall out. The rule is he has to stick around the house for a few days and be supervised when playing with friends as much as possible by adults for the next few weeks once we caught him "talking" about getting into fights with other kids who are spreading rumors (his viewpoint - I'm still open). difficult child and friends have been told that this is for his "safety and protection" so that people can't come to me with something I know is not true - it's neutral and he accepts it because he dislikes having a bad reputation. </p><p> </p><p>Obviously, we're very lucky that he works with us - but for us finding the neutral ground was one of the turning points overall.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wonderful Family, post: 195641"] My children are both adopted - although both as infants. While my husband is very loving to both children; I'm definitely more connected with difficult child vs. my husband - he struggles with him no matter how he tries - he just doesn't "get" him-too emotional for a boy. However, what he does do well is trying to follow my cues and ideas (he has plenty too - of course) even if he can't connect emotionally at a given time. For my difficult child, nobody even had a clue what to do with him when he was younger; and we had no choice but to try to figure out for ourselves what was happening as much as we could. Regardless of the behavior, one of the best way we found around our house in the short term while trying to implement things like love and logic was to take the ability for difficult child to engage in certain behaviors. This is more neutral for difficult child and gets us out of the you can't make me mode. For example, locking the pantry door and keeping food we didn't want him to steal in the middle of the night (carbs, in his case). Right now, due to a recent death in the family, we have moved from incredible difficult child during crisis mode to the fall out. The rule is he has to stick around the house for a few days and be supervised when playing with friends as much as possible by adults for the next few weeks once we caught him "talking" about getting into fights with other kids who are spreading rumors (his viewpoint - I'm still open). difficult child and friends have been told that this is for his "safety and protection" so that people can't come to me with something I know is not true - it's neutral and he accepts it because he dislikes having a bad reputation. Obviously, we're very lucky that he works with us - but for us finding the neutral ground was one of the turning points overall. [/QUOTE]
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