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daughter-12 raging, destructive behavior ... help!
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 118309" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi and welcome!</p><p></p><p>First off, I cannot agree strongly enough with Beth re: physical violence. It was a huge issue in our home and ... well, quite frankly, you all deserve to be safe. He's had his one mistake. Future violence or threats of violence will result in 911 being called and transport to ER for psychiatric evaluation, period. I always worry when a kid crosses that line the first time because, in our experience at least, it became much easier for him to cross the line again.</p><p></p><p>Scheduling is rough. It really doesn't sound to me that you're cutting Grandma out to cut her out but because life has gone on and the kids are involved in other things. I'm sure you've explained this to him but based on my extremely limited knowledge of High-Functioning Autism (HFA)/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), perhaps this change in routine is something he's having a hard time getting a grasp on... can you lay it out for him in concrete terms? Make a chart to show how you have to be here now, there then, driving time, plus dinner, baths, homework, etc? Just a wild suggestion but I'm wondering if something really concrete and visual might help him understand the issue? Another thought would be to see if Grandma will drive one way (or have your son ask her, self-advocacy?)?</p><p></p><p>I think I'd probably ignore requests to live with G-ma. Was going to suggest gently reinforcing that that isn't and never will be an option, but on second thought, for some kids that would be throwing down the gauntlet - "let me show *you*, Mom". Probably best to just ignore. :wink:</p><p></p><p>Generally I've always tried to follow logical consequences - you make a mess, you clean it up. *But*... I suspect making him clean the bathroom would have just been more fuel for his fire, and if it had (when it has) happened in my home, I would've just bit my tongue and cleaned it up. I have been known to dispense single servings of shampoo and toothpaste.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 118309, member: 8"] Hi and welcome! First off, I cannot agree strongly enough with Beth re: physical violence. It was a huge issue in our home and ... well, quite frankly, you all deserve to be safe. He's had his one mistake. Future violence or threats of violence will result in 911 being called and transport to ER for psychiatric evaluation, period. I always worry when a kid crosses that line the first time because, in our experience at least, it became much easier for him to cross the line again. Scheduling is rough. It really doesn't sound to me that you're cutting Grandma out to cut her out but because life has gone on and the kids are involved in other things. I'm sure you've explained this to him but based on my extremely limited knowledge of High-Functioning Autism (HFA)/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), perhaps this change in routine is something he's having a hard time getting a grasp on... can you lay it out for him in concrete terms? Make a chart to show how you have to be here now, there then, driving time, plus dinner, baths, homework, etc? Just a wild suggestion but I'm wondering if something really concrete and visual might help him understand the issue? Another thought would be to see if Grandma will drive one way (or have your son ask her, self-advocacy?)? I think I'd probably ignore requests to live with G-ma. Was going to suggest gently reinforcing that that isn't and never will be an option, but on second thought, for some kids that would be throwing down the gauntlet - "let me show *you*, Mom". Probably best to just ignore. [img]:wink:[/img] Generally I've always tried to follow logical consequences - you make a mess, you clean it up. *But*... I suspect making him clean the bathroom would have just been more fuel for his fire, and if it had (when it has) happened in my home, I would've just bit my tongue and cleaned it up. I have been known to dispense single servings of shampoo and toothpaste. Hang in there! [/QUOTE]
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