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daughter-12 raging, destructive behavior ... help!
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<blockquote data-quote="myfirstandlast" data-source="post: 118970" data-attributes="member: 3420"><p>Ah, finally got logged back in. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>He is in group grief counseling. He enjoys it (he's always *hated* counseling) and is participating and looks forward to it. His little sister attends as well, and likes it too.</p><p></p><p>He calmed down when company got here, and has been fine since. I sat him down after they left to discuss how we could have handled our disagreement better. After having time to consider each others' opinions, we found an option (Basket B) that suited us both. He's been fine since. </p><p></p><p>I think the explosion had to do with an <em>unexpected</em> change in his schedule that he had <strong>no say</strong> in. Recipe for disaster.</p><p></p><p>I *am* firm about consequences (the books WOULD have gone to Goodwill had he not picked them up by the deadline) and he is aware of this. I have to be careful what I say I'll do, because rather than motivate him, the loss of certain privileges such as computer makes him so moody and depressed and angry that it isn't worth it. There is never an improvement in attitude or behavior with that type of punishment.</p><p></p><p>He is also very aware that I will call 911 and have him held if he hits me. We had this talk ... he's tried to pull the "I'll call 911" trick on ME before. Usually about things like me not making a dinner choice that he likes (that means I'm starving him) or something minor. He's actually been WAY bettermore in control, more happy at home, more lovingsince his father's death. He had a real *loyalty* thing with his dad, and was always cold and indifferent to me, ever since the divorce. We've grown much closer in the past few months.</p><p></p><p>We are still working on the encopresis. He has seen a pediatric gastroenterologist, and takes 2 T of mineral oil each night. He is still balking at any diet changes; he's a very picky eater. </p><p></p><p>Last time we were at daughter-14's psychiatric, in the waiting room was a low-functioning autistic boy. He was well behaved in the beginning, but as his wait time increased, he started to lose control, and eventually had to be subdued. I later told hubby, "You have to realize THAT is what we are dealing with, but on the other end of the spectrum. You can't treat him like he's simply disobeying ... there's more to it than that. It's like punishing someone for being short. You can help me by learning more about the autism spectrum and how to avoid those kind of meltdowns."</p><p></p><p>Sometimes he is outright defiant. But most of the time, he is simply hyperfocused on what he's doing. Taking away his DS would trigger an event, as would closing a book he's reading. He has some odd compulsion to finish a level, or a page, before he can put something down. This has been going on forever. There is no recognition of "NOW" ... he always has to get to a <em>point</em> where he can stop. It really doesn't seem like defiant behavior. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard "just a minute" or "I'm hurrying" or "let me finish this one page/level" ... and if you LET him, he is fine. Content. If you take the book or the game, he blows.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for letting me vent ... it sure was a long weekend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="myfirstandlast, post: 118970, member: 3420"] Ah, finally got logged back in. :) He is in group grief counseling. He enjoys it (he's always *hated* counseling) and is participating and looks forward to it. His little sister attends as well, and likes it too. He calmed down when company got here, and has been fine since. I sat him down after they left to discuss how we could have handled our disagreement better. After having time to consider each others' opinions, we found an option (Basket B) that suited us both. He's been fine since. I think the explosion had to do with an [I]unexpected[/I] change in his schedule that he had [B]no say[/B] in. Recipe for disaster. I *am* firm about consequences (the books WOULD have gone to Goodwill had he not picked them up by the deadline) and he is aware of this. I have to be careful what I say I'll do, because rather than motivate him, the loss of certain privileges such as computer makes him so moody and depressed and angry that it isn't worth it. There is never an improvement in attitude or behavior with that type of punishment. He is also very aware that I will call 911 and have him held if he hits me. We had this talk ... he's tried to pull the "I'll call 911" trick on ME before. Usually about things like me not making a dinner choice that he likes (that means I'm starving him) or something minor. He's actually been WAY bettermore in control, more happy at home, more lovingsince his father's death. He had a real *loyalty* thing with his dad, and was always cold and indifferent to me, ever since the divorce. We've grown much closer in the past few months. We are still working on the encopresis. He has seen a pediatric gastroenterologist, and takes 2 T of mineral oil each night. He is still balking at any diet changes; he's a very picky eater. Last time we were at daughter-14's psychiatric, in the waiting room was a low-functioning autistic boy. He was well behaved in the beginning, but as his wait time increased, he started to lose control, and eventually had to be subdued. I later told hubby, "You have to realize THAT is what we are dealing with, but on the other end of the spectrum. You can't treat him like he's simply disobeying ... there's more to it than that. It's like punishing someone for being short. You can help me by learning more about the autism spectrum and how to avoid those kind of meltdowns." Sometimes he is outright defiant. But most of the time, he is simply hyperfocused on what he's doing. Taking away his DS would trigger an event, as would closing a book he's reading. He has some odd compulsion to finish a level, or a page, before he can put something down. This has been going on forever. There is no recognition of "NOW" ... he always has to get to a [I]point[/I] where he can stop. It really doesn't seem like defiant behavior. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard "just a minute" or "I'm hurrying" or "let me finish this one page/level" ... and if you LET him, he is fine. Content. If you take the book or the game, he blows. Thanks for letting me vent ... it sure was a long weekend. [/QUOTE]
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daughter-12 raging, destructive behavior ... help!
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