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Parent Emeritus
Daughter "Back" With Abusive Ex... Demanding Child
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<blockquote data-quote="ChickPea" data-source="post: 753016" data-attributes="member: 24089"><p>Thank you everyone.</p><p>She is in a very deep funk right now. "I've never been this low before," she said. </p><p>She's been sleeping in her car, drinking, cocaine-ing, smoking weed. She is hellbent on destruction. She says...</p><p></p><p>"I'm a *&$% mom and thought that having a kid would change me, but nope - still the same addicted loser... something is just wrong with me... better off dead... nobody cares or understands, I'm drowning and I don't even care. I'm numb. I don't care about myself, I push everyone away, everything is too hard, nobody understands... you (me/husband) pick everyone else over me, can't even sleep at my own parent's house... brothers hate me, son doesn't care about me. Stupid and unloved."</p><p></p><p>Just goes on and on. I have guilt, <strong>fear</strong>, anger, fatigue, sadness. And then a bit of just apathy (to cope, maybe).</p><p>I'm waiting for a call to say something happened to her. That she's gone and we need to bury her. It makes me think of anything I can do or change - or try to. But most things I'd think of do to "show her love" would be to lose myself. Or to just enable her to continue doing what she's doing.</p><p></p><p>It's all so heavy at times.</p><p></p><p>But today the sun is shining, it's warm on my back. </p><p></p><p>Much love,</p><p></p><p>CP</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ChickPea, post: 753016, member: 24089"] Thank you everyone. She is in a very deep funk right now. "I've never been this low before," she said. She's been sleeping in her car, drinking, cocaine-ing, smoking weed. She is hellbent on destruction. She says... "I'm a *&$% mom and thought that having a kid would change me, but nope - still the same addicted loser... something is just wrong with me... better off dead... nobody cares or understands, I'm drowning and I don't even care. I'm numb. I don't care about myself, I push everyone away, everything is too hard, nobody understands... you (me/husband) pick everyone else over me, can't even sleep at my own parent's house... brothers hate me, son doesn't care about me. Stupid and unloved." Just goes on and on. I have guilt, [B]fear[/B], anger, fatigue, sadness. And then a bit of just apathy (to cope, maybe). I'm waiting for a call to say something happened to her. That she's gone and we need to bury her. It makes me think of anything I can do or change - or try to. But most things I'd think of do to "show her love" would be to lose myself. Or to just enable her to continue doing what she's doing. It's all so heavy at times. But today the sun is shining, it's warm on my back. Much love, CP [/QUOTE]
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Daughter "Back" With Abusive Ex... Demanding Child
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