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Daughter is homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 749320" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Welcome back ChickPea, I am sorry for your need to be here.</p><p>I am glad you are discussing issues with your parents. We want our adult children to be able to sustain themselves, we won’t be on this earth to rescue them forever. I don’t know what your daughters circumstances are, why she has not made effort to be responsible. My two are on the streets due to meth use. We tried to help them to no avail, they took advantage of us and delved further into partying. It took some time for me to realize that I couldn’t save them from their choices and that the consequences were enveloping our lives to an unacceptable degree.</p><p> It is heartbreaking. I have come to realize with each twist and turn on this road that I have to work hard to guard my heart, to understand that although I love my two, I have absolutely no control over their choices. It wasn’t only establishing boundaries with our living situation, I have to keep boundaries on my emotional state for my own health. I would be a hot mess if I lived in constant worry. It takes work to shift focus from the stress and anxiety of dealing with wayward adult children. What helped me was posting here and receiving help from parents who have been there done that. Prayer has been a powerful tool and comfort. Daily walks have helped me, and I need to get back on track with that. I also began to recognize that I was stressing over their lives<em> more than they were.</em> Looking back, each incident where I was overcome with worry, turned into just another Tuesday for them. I have learned that when my routine of self care goes by the wayside, that’s when I am most vulnerable and it seems like their timing for crisis is impeccably synchronized with my own weakness.</p><p>ChickPea, seek help when you need it. Transitioning from a routine of rescuing adult children from their choices to letting them learn from the consequences is not an easy road. There is no right way, no one way, we all have different circumstances. None of us are experts, just parents who are traveling on this road, each at different places along the way. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. It is a great way to our own recovery to write out feelings and get response from people who care and understand the hardship. Know that you are not alone. Take very good care of yourself and your marriage. As I shifted focus away from the stress and worry, I realized how much I had missed with my well children. They have helped to sustain me through the loss of my dear hubs, the grief of my twos lifestyles and new challenges with my grandchildren.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 749320, member: 19522"] Welcome back ChickPea, I am sorry for your need to be here. I am glad you are discussing issues with your parents. We want our adult children to be able to sustain themselves, we won’t be on this earth to rescue them forever. I don’t know what your daughters circumstances are, why she has not made effort to be responsible. My two are on the streets due to meth use. We tried to help them to no avail, they took advantage of us and delved further into partying. It took some time for me to realize that I couldn’t save them from their choices and that the consequences were enveloping our lives to an unacceptable degree. It is heartbreaking. I have come to realize with each twist and turn on this road that I have to work hard to guard my heart, to understand that although I love my two, I have absolutely no control over their choices. It wasn’t only establishing boundaries with our living situation, I have to keep boundaries on my emotional state for my own health. I would be a hot mess if I lived in constant worry. It takes work to shift focus from the stress and anxiety of dealing with wayward adult children. What helped me was posting here and receiving help from parents who have been there done that. Prayer has been a powerful tool and comfort. Daily walks have helped me, and I need to get back on track with that. I also began to recognize that I was stressing over their lives[I] more than they were.[/I] Looking back, each incident where I was overcome with worry, turned into just another Tuesday for them. I have learned that when my routine of self care goes by the wayside, that’s when I am most vulnerable and it seems like their timing for crisis is impeccably synchronized with my own weakness. ChickPea, seek help when you need it. Transitioning from a routine of rescuing adult children from their choices to letting them learn from the consequences is not an easy road. There is no right way, no one way, we all have different circumstances. None of us are experts, just parents who are traveling on this road, each at different places along the way. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. It is a great way to our own recovery to write out feelings and get response from people who care and understand the hardship. Know that you are not alone. Take very good care of yourself and your marriage. As I shifted focus away from the stress and worry, I realized how much I had missed with my well children. They have helped to sustain me through the loss of my dear hubs, the grief of my twos lifestyles and new challenges with my grandchildren. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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