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Daughter is now homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 673513" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Good morning and welcome to the forum.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This says it all. </p><p></p><p>You have done and done and done, just like most of us here have done. Finally, maybe, we become sick and tired enough to say STOP. This is insanity. I'm working harder than you are to change your life. Something is really backward here.</p><p></p><p>As long as your daughter is using drugs, there will be no changing. That is the sad truth. You can't talk long enough or provide enough for her to want to stop. </p><p></p><p>In fact, she has to be sick and tired enough of her own life to want to stop and who would be, when other people are dancing as fast as they can to give them every opportunity...and just one more change...try it one more time...maybe THIS TIME...</p><p></p><p>It's a circle. And we have to stop it first. If nothing changes, nothing changes. WE have to be the first step of change.</p><p></p><p>We have to say No More, and then we have to stick to it. It's a two-part deal, and it's really really hard. Get ready to be really inconsistent for a while, but one truth I learned is this:</p><p></p><p>Just changing one single thing in your interactions with your daughter will have an effect. </p><p></p><p>So go slow, and start taking really good care of yourself and your husband while you are working this new path of change.</p><p></p><p>Change in you.</p><p></p><p>If you will change how you interact with her, then she will have a CHANCE to change. It may not happen for a long, long time, so you will have to start learning how to be very strong in the face of her anger and her pushing on you.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has had plenty of chances. Now, it's time for you to start setting strong boundaries with her, not mean but kindly, and working to learn how to stick to them, no matter what she does or says.</p><p></p><p>Going slow will help because you won't have to second-guess yourself all the time about going too far, and then having to back up.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter needs a chance to change. She is a grown woman and should be taking care of herself at this point. If you will get out of the way (and I mean that very kindly), she might start having that chance.</p><p></p><p>Happy Thanksgiving! I hope today you can turn the bright light back to yourself and your husband, realize that we can't change another person, ever, and people are on their own journeys. We need to reclaim OUR journey and let them go. </p><p></p><p>We're here for you. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 673513, member: 17542"] Good morning and welcome to the forum. This says it all. You have done and done and done, just like most of us here have done. Finally, maybe, we become sick and tired enough to say STOP. This is insanity. I'm working harder than you are to change your life. Something is really backward here. As long as your daughter is using drugs, there will be no changing. That is the sad truth. You can't talk long enough or provide enough for her to want to stop. In fact, she has to be sick and tired enough of her own life to want to stop and who would be, when other people are dancing as fast as they can to give them every opportunity...and just one more change...try it one more time...maybe THIS TIME... It's a circle. And we have to stop it first. If nothing changes, nothing changes. WE have to be the first step of change. We have to say No More, and then we have to stick to it. It's a two-part deal, and it's really really hard. Get ready to be really inconsistent for a while, but one truth I learned is this: Just changing one single thing in your interactions with your daughter will have an effect. So go slow, and start taking really good care of yourself and your husband while you are working this new path of change. Change in you. If you will change how you interact with her, then she will have a CHANCE to change. It may not happen for a long, long time, so you will have to start learning how to be very strong in the face of her anger and her pushing on you. Your daughter has had plenty of chances. Now, it's time for you to start setting strong boundaries with her, not mean but kindly, and working to learn how to stick to them, no matter what she does or says. Going slow will help because you won't have to second-guess yourself all the time about going too far, and then having to back up. Your daughter needs a chance to change. She is a grown woman and should be taking care of herself at this point. If you will get out of the way (and I mean that very kindly), she might start having that chance. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope today you can turn the bright light back to yourself and your husband, realize that we can't change another person, ever, and people are on their own journeys. We need to reclaim OUR journey and let them go. We're here for you. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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