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Daughter with Borderline Personality Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667113" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What do you think you CAN do for her? Does this sound familiar?</p><p></p><p>1/Talking sensibly doesn't work and aggravates you and gives her fodder to use against you</p><p>2/Giving her money just makes her want more</p><p>3/Telling her to go for help does not work as she is unmotivated to change and for a Borderline (BPD) to change it takes deidcation, motivation and very hard work. Was she diagnosed or is this just your opinion?</p><p>4/ Letting her live at home is h ell for you and her.</p><p>5/ She rages like a toddler.</p><p></p><p>Some possible solutions which you can use or disregard as you wish:</p><p></p><p>1/Stop talking to her about being sensible. Cut your talk time with her and don't engage her more than necessary.When you do talk to her, stay silent, mostly listening, adding "Yes" or "Uh huh" or "I see" or "that's too bad" as necessary, but don't give advice or say anything that can ramp her up. When you feel too exhausted to keep listening, tell a white lie and say somebody is at the door, the dog needs to go out, or the repairman is here and t hen disconnect. Same with texting. Same rules.</p><p></p><p>2/NO money. She is old enough to work.If she doesn't want to it is on her shoulders to find out how to make life work without a job. You raised her already. She is well past eighteen and she is disregarding the good things you taught her.That is her decision, but you don't have to fund her poor choices.</p><p></p><p>3/If you can not stand to live with her because s he d oesn't pay her way or act respectful, it is your choice not to allow it. Again, she is heading toward 30. Do not listen when she tells you how uncaring you are for not letting her live at home, if that is your choice. Just don't answer the phone or texts for a while, until she has accepted it.</p><p></p><p>If you do let her come home, expect more of the same as before and no change in your peace and serenity. in my opinion you should not have to care for a 27 year old woman.</p><p></p><p>4/If she rages or acts violent or puts holes in your wall, call the cops at once then go to a safe room and lock the door. Press charges.</p><p></p><p>Again, these are some suggestions. You don't have to do them. My feeling is that we have raised our kids and, however they have decided to live their lives, we are off the hook as far as raising them any more and can't be her mommy anymore.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667113, member: 1550"] What do you think you CAN do for her? Does this sound familiar? 1/Talking sensibly doesn't work and aggravates you and gives her fodder to use against you 2/Giving her money just makes her want more 3/Telling her to go for help does not work as she is unmotivated to change and for a Borderline (BPD) to change it takes deidcation, motivation and very hard work. Was she diagnosed or is this just your opinion? 4/ Letting her live at home is h ell for you and her. 5/ She rages like a toddler. Some possible solutions which you can use or disregard as you wish: 1/Stop talking to her about being sensible. Cut your talk time with her and don't engage her more than necessary.When you do talk to her, stay silent, mostly listening, adding "Yes" or "Uh huh" or "I see" or "that's too bad" as necessary, but don't give advice or say anything that can ramp her up. When you feel too exhausted to keep listening, tell a white lie and say somebody is at the door, the dog needs to go out, or the repairman is here and t hen disconnect. Same with texting. Same rules. 2/NO money. She is old enough to work.If she doesn't want to it is on her shoulders to find out how to make life work without a job. You raised her already. She is well past eighteen and she is disregarding the good things you taught her.That is her decision, but you don't have to fund her poor choices. 3/If you can not stand to live with her because s he d oesn't pay her way or act respectful, it is your choice not to allow it. Again, she is heading toward 30. Do not listen when she tells you how uncaring you are for not letting her live at home, if that is your choice. Just don't answer the phone or texts for a while, until she has accepted it. If you do let her come home, expect more of the same as before and no change in your peace and serenity. in my opinion you should not have to care for a 27 year old woman. 4/If she rages or acts violent or puts holes in your wall, call the cops at once then go to a safe room and lock the door. Press charges. Again, these are some suggestions. You don't have to do them. My feeling is that we have raised our kids and, however they have decided to live their lives, we are off the hook as far as raising them any more and can't be her mommy anymore. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter with Borderline Personality Disorder
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