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Daughter's conspiracy theories causing estrangement. Help please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748029" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son too now 30 went downhill when he began marijuana. He's also adopted, at 22 months. He too believes in conspiracy theories and to me is off the wall with respect to supplements and other things related to his body and health.</p><p>I am thinking of my maternal aunt who way before it was common believed in health foods and vitamins. In the late 1930's while pregnant she ate only peas, and became very ill. Duh.</p><p></p><p>She ended up being a multi-multi millionaire and lived a relatively conventional life. But she always maintained her interest in and dedication to healthy practices--as she defined them. Which for many many years were just weird, but now are mainstream.</p><p></p><p>So, I can look at it both ways. As a parent, I want desperately to influence my son to think "mainstream" about his health and body. On the other hand I see based upon my Aunt that there are people who are outliers with respect to health practices. And in some ways they are pathfinders, and in other ways are just plain out there.</p><p></p><p>But the bottom line is this: Your daughter and her husband as parents have the right to make decisions about their children, and their own health, within the law. This is not our call. If we want to have relationships with our kids that are not toxic and controlling, we back down. If you keep pressuring her, this will escallate. She has chosen a husband, and she has chosen her views. While I do not like marijuana, I doubt that her views are related to this.</p><p></p><p>I think there is reason to be grateful that she got off serious drugs, that she is a loving person, a loving mother, and has found a relationship that in the main may be satisfactory. But here, too, you do not have a voice, unless she comes to you and asks for her input.</p><p></p><p>I believe all of the changing needs to come from you. As is the case, with me. We do not get a vote in how our adult kids lead their lives. We do not get votes on their choices for their children. You are seeing that as long as you insist upon getting a say, you are the one who gets hurt most, and secondarily your daughter and your grandchildren, as they lose contact with you.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. I know how very hard this is. But I don't see it another way. Al Anon may be of help. They help us see, that there are things over which we are powerless. They help us to learn to accept and to dedicate ourselves to those areas where we do have control and responsibility, and the potential to create change. Which is in us.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748029, member: 18958"] My son too now 30 went downhill when he began marijuana. He's also adopted, at 22 months. He too believes in conspiracy theories and to me is off the wall with respect to supplements and other things related to his body and health. I am thinking of my maternal aunt who way before it was common believed in health foods and vitamins. In the late 1930's while pregnant she ate only peas, and became very ill. Duh. She ended up being a multi-multi millionaire and lived a relatively conventional life. But she always maintained her interest in and dedication to healthy practices--as she defined them. Which for many many years were just weird, but now are mainstream. So, I can look at it both ways. As a parent, I want desperately to influence my son to think "mainstream" about his health and body. On the other hand I see based upon my Aunt that there are people who are outliers with respect to health practices. And in some ways they are pathfinders, and in other ways are just plain out there. But the bottom line is this: Your daughter and her husband as parents have the right to make decisions about their children, and their own health, within the law. This is not our call. If we want to have relationships with our kids that are not toxic and controlling, we back down. If you keep pressuring her, this will escallate. She has chosen a husband, and she has chosen her views. While I do not like marijuana, I doubt that her views are related to this. I think there is reason to be grateful that she got off serious drugs, that she is a loving person, a loving mother, and has found a relationship that in the main may be satisfactory. But here, too, you do not have a voice, unless she comes to you and asks for her input. I believe all of the changing needs to come from you. As is the case, with me. We do not get a vote in how our adult kids lead their lives. We do not get votes on their choices for their children. You are seeing that as long as you insist upon getting a say, you are the one who gets hurt most, and secondarily your daughter and your grandchildren, as they lose contact with you. I am sorry. I know how very hard this is. But I don't see it another way. Al Anon may be of help. They help us see, that there are things over which we are powerless. They help us to learn to accept and to dedicate ourselves to those areas where we do have control and responsibility, and the potential to create change. Which is in us. Welcome to you. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter's conspiracy theories causing estrangement. Help please!
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