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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 668365" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I don't have advice on the question, but maybe if you sit with your feelings for a while longer, it will become more clear what you want for yourself (and whether that's healthy), and what you should give to your daughter (and whether that's healthy). Sometimes for me, there seems to be a split. Expressing my feelings, trying to find a basis for mutuality, all that, are things that are healthy in a normaI relationship, and are normal to want and need for yourself. But in a lopsided relationship, even that can feel like pandering for you, or taken as a sign of weakness by the other person, which in turn feeds their sickness. Sometimes you just have to let yourself do it anyway, as a little break to yourself, and as long as you understand that you might be rebuffed or betrayed at a later date again, then you're not expecting a different result from the same efforts to reach out and connect. In any case, I seem to have the most confidence in what I do after I ride out my impulses and the feeling of "why shouldn't I be able to do that" -- until after a wait a while. How long that is depends on the situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 668365, member: 19290"] I don't have advice on the question, but maybe if you sit with your feelings for a while longer, it will become more clear what you want for yourself (and whether that's healthy), and what you should give to your daughter (and whether that's healthy). Sometimes for me, there seems to be a split. Expressing my feelings, trying to find a basis for mutuality, all that, are things that are healthy in a normaI relationship, and are normal to want and need for yourself. But in a lopsided relationship, even that can feel like pandering for you, or taken as a sign of weakness by the other person, which in turn feeds their sickness. Sometimes you just have to let yourself do it anyway, as a little break to yourself, and as long as you understand that you might be rebuffed or betrayed at a later date again, then you're not expecting a different result from the same efforts to reach out and connect. In any case, I seem to have the most confidence in what I do after I ride out my impulses and the feeling of "why shouldn't I be able to do that" -- until after a wait a while. How long that is depends on the situation. [/QUOTE]
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