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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 668499" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Oh Copa I am so sorry for the devastating news. My heart goes out to you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are his Mother, there is nothing wrong with you hanging on to hope.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is hard all of these years waiting for our difficult children to hit rock bottom, have some kind of epiphany, and begin to make better choices. All the while we are a part of this yo-yoing, trying to establish boundaries, our hearts are torn. What is our rock bottom as parents? What is our epiphany? I think as unique individuals, that will come to each of us in our own due time. For me, I have a young son and a husband with declining health. I have to be able to get up in the morning to face each new day. If not for myself, for my son. So for me, right now, I have hit rock bottom with my difficult children. I have realized that our household has been under siege, my heart has been under siege. For me, the way up right now, is to remain as is, to not have contact. It means to wall up my heart a bit, so it won't bleed so much the next time we speak.</p><p></p><p>Even in my responses I see that I have allowed "subtle" (but really, not so subtle) disrespect. Watered it down to be able to try to help my grandchildren. Allowed my daughter to come home and shake up our house with her antics. I told my girls who are doing well that there will NOT be a next time. The youngest doesn't even want to talk about it, because she is upset. "Mom I am not mad at you, but I am frustrated that there is nothing we can do, so I don't even want to talk about it." That is her coping skill. Her boundary. I respect that and won't share my grief with her. My son is finally able to relax in his own home. He is glad the "tornado" has left. I have to take my cue from him and pull up my boot straps to get myself in a better place to take care of his needs.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>When I feel that I am ready, I will look at cards. I think we need our own category-maybe we have to write to Hallmark to put up a "Notes to Difficult Adult Children" section.</p><p>"You been a little &%$#, but you are my kid and I still love you."</p><p>"Down in the dumps from our last encounter, but I'm thinking of you"</p><p>"I know you think I sucked as a Mother, but I tried my best."</p><p>Sorry for being snarky, guess I've hit the anger stage!</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much Copa for your kindness. I have so much appreciation for this site. It has been a blessing to read from others, post and process all of this. I will try each day to take care of myself, and I hope likewise you do the same. You have offered so much comfort to others. I see from your recent posts that you are in a tough place right now. I have been there too. So down, that I can't seem to get up and function. Sometimes I stay down, because then, when the next blow comes, I don't have that far to fall. It is not healthy.</p><p></p><p>Somehow in spite of all of this misery, we have to get our joy back. I am at the tail end of my life, and wish to live it as fully as I can.</p><p></p><p>The trick is, how do I do that with all of this hoopla, with my two?</p><p>There within lies the big question.</p><p></p><p>((Hugs)) and wishes for brighter days. There are dark clouds, but the sun is still behind them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 668499, member: 19522"] Oh Copa I am so sorry for the devastating news. My heart goes out to you. You are his Mother, there is nothing wrong with you hanging on to hope. It is hard all of these years waiting for our difficult children to hit rock bottom, have some kind of epiphany, and begin to make better choices. All the while we are a part of this yo-yoing, trying to establish boundaries, our hearts are torn. What is our rock bottom as parents? What is our epiphany? I think as unique individuals, that will come to each of us in our own due time. For me, I have a young son and a husband with declining health. I have to be able to get up in the morning to face each new day. If not for myself, for my son. So for me, right now, I have hit rock bottom with my difficult children. I have realized that our household has been under siege, my heart has been under siege. For me, the way up right now, is to remain as is, to not have contact. It means to wall up my heart a bit, so it won't bleed so much the next time we speak. Even in my responses I see that I have allowed "subtle" (but really, not so subtle) disrespect. Watered it down to be able to try to help my grandchildren. Allowed my daughter to come home and shake up our house with her antics. I told my girls who are doing well that there will NOT be a next time. The youngest doesn't even want to talk about it, because she is upset. "Mom I am not mad at you, but I am frustrated that there is nothing we can do, so I don't even want to talk about it." That is her coping skill. Her boundary. I respect that and won't share my grief with her. My son is finally able to relax in his own home. He is glad the "tornado" has left. I have to take my cue from him and pull up my boot straps to get myself in a better place to take care of his needs. When I feel that I am ready, I will look at cards. I think we need our own category-maybe we have to write to Hallmark to put up a "Notes to Difficult Adult Children" section. "You been a little &%$#, but you are my kid and I still love you." "Down in the dumps from our last encounter, but I'm thinking of you" "I know you think I sucked as a Mother, but I tried my best." Sorry for being snarky, guess I've hit the anger stage! Thank you so much Copa for your kindness. I have so much appreciation for this site. It has been a blessing to read from others, post and process all of this. I will try each day to take care of myself, and I hope likewise you do the same. You have offered so much comfort to others. I see from your recent posts that you are in a tough place right now. I have been there too. So down, that I can't seem to get up and function. Sometimes I stay down, because then, when the next blow comes, I don't have that far to fall. It is not healthy. Somehow in spite of all of this misery, we have to get our joy back. I am at the tail end of my life, and wish to live it as fully as I can. The trick is, how do I do that with all of this hoopla, with my two? There within lies the big question. ((Hugs)) and wishes for brighter days. There are dark clouds, but the sun is still behind them. [/QUOTE]
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