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Substance Abuse
Dazed and Confused Thanks Giving
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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 721161" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>Me either Copa. I am giving in and having a quiet day of nothingness. Releasing the guilt from my heart and just tying to recharge my mental batteries. </p><p></p><p>I have no answers only pain and grief. </p><p></p><p>Here here Copa how indeed do we or can we detach with love? It is the ultimate torture of the soul. </p><p></p><p>And yet here we are. </p><p></p><p>How terrible my thoughts are about what would make life so much easier to bear. They range from scenarios of my or his life having a terminal path. It is the sense of permanence in those thoughts that give me a path of relief. It is being bound to the unhappy laborious ineptness that is the cause of the pain in my heart. That is what I need to end. And I just don't know how to find a peaceful end to this. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps loving too much too deeply for my son was where I went wrong. I am in a state of miserable codependency and that is the sad nature of my predicament. He was my heart, my life, my happiness. He is my child. How do we let go of the I codependence when they are still dependent upon us? As much misery as that brings, it is the current sate of affairs and I dispise it, I simply do. </p><p></p><p>The past month has had me in a bind of confusion and FOG FOG FOG! Naranon saying one thing CRAFT saying another. Specialists and support workers with varying opinions. My brain in a rage, my heart in a puddle and my gut tied up in knots. I am of no use to anyone. I need to purge and find a way to revive ME and revive my focus and purpose in life. </p><p></p><p>I know the what and can see the how. Getting to activation feels like attempting to put a paper airplane across the Grand Canyon. I am the paper plane and my sons present life choice is the massive void I am attempting to overcome. I balance and see the beauty of life in my sights; and just as I attempt to pass through on a calm and supportive breeze....along he comes with such a negative sucking force, I am taken down again and again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 721161, member: 21895"] Me either Copa. I am giving in and having a quiet day of nothingness. Releasing the guilt from my heart and just tying to recharge my mental batteries. I have no answers only pain and grief. Here here Copa how indeed do we or can we detach with love? It is the ultimate torture of the soul. And yet here we are. How terrible my thoughts are about what would make life so much easier to bear. They range from scenarios of my or his life having a terminal path. It is the sense of permanence in those thoughts that give me a path of relief. It is being bound to the unhappy laborious ineptness that is the cause of the pain in my heart. That is what I need to end. And I just don't know how to find a peaceful end to this. Perhaps loving too much too deeply for my son was where I went wrong. I am in a state of miserable codependency and that is the sad nature of my predicament. He was my heart, my life, my happiness. He is my child. How do we let go of the I codependence when they are still dependent upon us? As much misery as that brings, it is the current sate of affairs and I dispise it, I simply do. The past month has had me in a bind of confusion and FOG FOG FOG! Naranon saying one thing CRAFT saying another. Specialists and support workers with varying opinions. My brain in a rage, my heart in a puddle and my gut tied up in knots. I am of no use to anyone. I need to purge and find a way to revive ME and revive my focus and purpose in life. I know the what and can see the how. Getting to activation feels like attempting to put a paper airplane across the Grand Canyon. I am the paper plane and my sons present life choice is the massive void I am attempting to overcome. I balance and see the beauty of life in my sights; and just as I attempt to pass through on a calm and supportive breeze....along he comes with such a negative sucking force, I am taken down again and again. [/QUOTE]
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