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<blockquote data-quote="Blighty" data-source="post: 714059" data-attributes="member: 21991"><p>Hi brokenheartedmum</p><p></p><p>your recent comment resonated with me. It sounds like your son has something in common with mine; very stubborn and seemingly unforgiving about perceived hurts. </p><p></p><p>We cannot make them see sense and rationality and that is so frustrating! I think they have to find it out for themselves : how accept responsibility for their own lives and behave reasonably like an adult. That may take some time. </p><p></p><p>I am coming to the conclusion that there is nothing i can do. I have lowered my expectations about him ever changing his view about me siginificantly. But i also acknowledge I could have done some things better, and not "reacted" in cetain ways. I think we can always examine ourselves to understand what is the right thing for us to do from here forward. Make the right choices that are congruent with our principles and from our new learning about dealing with difficult children, and the greater good of the child in the long term. If they do come to their senses eventually they will then see why we did what we did, and that will foster respect.</p><p></p><p>There is a possibility that his attitude to you is also hate for himself that he is projecting onto you, as a defense mechanism. In which case, the most helpful thing you can do is to keep calm whenever you feel the need to react to what he does or says. Any anger and hostility towards him he could interpret as he is not worthy of being loved and so reinforce he is right to hate himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blighty, post: 714059, member: 21991"] Hi brokenheartedmum your recent comment resonated with me. It sounds like your son has something in common with mine; very stubborn and seemingly unforgiving about perceived hurts. We cannot make them see sense and rationality and that is so frustrating! I think they have to find it out for themselves : how accept responsibility for their own lives and behave reasonably like an adult. That may take some time. I am coming to the conclusion that there is nothing i can do. I have lowered my expectations about him ever changing his view about me siginificantly. But i also acknowledge I could have done some things better, and not "reacted" in cetain ways. I think we can always examine ourselves to understand what is the right thing for us to do from here forward. Make the right choices that are congruent with our principles and from our new learning about dealing with difficult children, and the greater good of the child in the long term. If they do come to their senses eventually they will then see why we did what we did, and that will foster respect. There is a possibility that his attitude to you is also hate for himself that he is projecting onto you, as a defense mechanism. In which case, the most helpful thing you can do is to keep calm whenever you feel the need to react to what he does or says. Any anger and hostility towards him he could interpret as he is not worthy of being loved and so reinforce he is right to hate himself. [/QUOTE]
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