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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 714069" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Hi Broken:</p><p></p><p>I reread your post again to refresh my memory and I agree with your initial thoughts that by talking to you so much, you are behaving like his counselor rather than the mother to a 29 year old grown man. I'm hoping that you are practicing detachment and setting boundaries with your son. </p><p></p><p>I was turning into a counselor also with with my son and it doesn't work and he resented it also. I wasn't <em>trying </em>to be a counselor but I was always trying to say the right thing to make it all better. Spending all my time and energy trying to figure it all out (which I never did by the way). When dealing with him, he turned me into a person I did not want to be. </p><p></p><p>My son is much younger and has substance abuse issues but if my son were 29, on his own and self sufficient as your son is, I would not interject myself into any of what is going on with him especially since he is being cruel and punishing you all the time (for what I'm not sure!).</p><p></p><p>You should let as much time pass as possible after the way he acted to you and focus on YOUR happiness and doing thing that you enjoy. I would have very limited interaction with him and he WILL eventually figure out that HE is no longer in control of you! Nothing changes if nothing changes.</p><p></p><p>He really has to figure this out. Let him do it on his own. You will not be around forever so he does need to find the resources he needs to make his life the way that he wants it to be and stop laying a guilt trip on you every time he talks to you or sees you.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 714069, member: 15032"] Hi Broken: I reread your post again to refresh my memory and I agree with your initial thoughts that by talking to you so much, you are behaving like his counselor rather than the mother to a 29 year old grown man. I'm hoping that you are practicing detachment and setting boundaries with your son. I was turning into a counselor also with with my son and it doesn't work and he resented it also. I wasn't [I]trying [/I]to be a counselor but I was always trying to say the right thing to make it all better. Spending all my time and energy trying to figure it all out (which I never did by the way). When dealing with him, he turned me into a person I did not want to be. My son is much younger and has substance abuse issues but if my son were 29, on his own and self sufficient as your son is, I would not interject myself into any of what is going on with him especially since he is being cruel and punishing you all the time (for what I'm not sure!). You should let as much time pass as possible after the way he acted to you and focus on YOUR happiness and doing thing that you enjoy. I would have very limited interaction with him and he WILL eventually figure out that HE is no longer in control of you! Nothing changes if nothing changes. He really has to figure this out. Let him do it on his own. You will not be around forever so he does need to find the resources he needs to make his life the way that he wants it to be and stop laying a guilt trip on you every time he talks to you or sees you. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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