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we has a similar psychiatric hospital experience...right down to the suggested ssri, that was ordered by the dr hours before, being not given because no one told the nursing staff.
its horrible for both of you, and yes, its frustrating dealing with hospital staff when you are frazzled above and beyond the frazzling they give you.
i can tell you (re: melatonin) that the mantra in ours was literally that they keep kids up as late as possible so they *will* sleep (and NO, my 10 year old could NOT go to bed at 9pm after being admitted at 2am).
unfortunately, it IS all a necessary evil--your dd1 needs treatment, and beads rattled that she gets it. i am relieved to see they arent going to dump her out--i hope they get on the right track asap.
oh, and ps: we are getting ready to dump abilify too, in a slow wean--its not touching depression/anxiety and the side effects just hoover. we DID give it a fair trial (2 *#&^$ years!) with increases, so its a fair assessment on our part that its not doing squat.