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De ja vu....
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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 699505" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>Our Difficult Child just turned 18 this year and graduated from high school...barely. Although she is out of our house, she still relies on us a lot. As I said earlier, we are stepping back and trying not to be as involved in the past.</p><p></p><p>But her car broke down almost a month ago...so we gave her rides to and from her overnight shift as a CNA, but we wouldn't hand over the car. Her dads girlfriend loaned her a vehicle with strict instructions not to drive it out of town...just for work. </p><p></p><p>She did pay for the first repair, but then it needed more work and was waiting on parts. So Friday she asked to borrow our car to drive to a nearby town for a friend's baby shower. We said ok with a time frame and $1.00 for every 10 miles. It should have been about 30 miles. She put on over 60. When she dropped the car off, she had a friend with her, a 17yo female who was supposedly spending the night with her. Difficult Child has been covering for this underage girl, letting her parents think she is staying with her, but she drops the girl off at her boyfriends house.</p><p></p><p>So, no more driving our car and not being honest about what she is doing. Difficult Child tried to borrow $200 from little sister...she didn't give her any. We don't know why she wanted $200. Then she asked for $5 for gas... Probably to take this teen home the next day, but little sis didn't budge.</p><p></p><p>So now she owes us $26... $6 for mileage...$20 for funds we loaned her during the state fair because "her debit card isn't working today and the credit union is closed for the weekend". One week later, she still never went to the CU. the card probably didn't work because there is no money in her account til payday. Which is today.</p><p></p><p>By the first week in November she will owe $500 for car insurance. I added my name to her account because it cut her payments in half. And the ins person assured me since it is a separate account, it won't affect the policy my husband and I have. If she can't pay force 6 month balance when it is due, I am taking my name off the account, and she will have to pay $180 a month for liability.</p><p></p><p>It's easy to say "it's none of your business" but it is hard to get to the part where they don't still rely on you to help out. She will take it as being abandoned and unloved. It is an issue we have dealt with since we got custody. She is very needy and gets upset if she feels she has been slighted. And she feels slighted most the time. </p><p></p><p>It's not fair to get the same amount of gifts or cash as her sister... Because she is older, she deserves and needs to have more than little sis... That is the type of reasoning she is stuck with. It isnt fair...unless she has more... Some how having more makes her feel better or superior.</p><p></p><p>It is a tough place to parent from..,especially since biomom has been in jail on $250,000 bond for armed robbery...she feels like no one cares about her...not us, because we still have little sis, not her dad, as he has a girlfriend...not her mom because she had drugs be the main focus in her life.</p><p></p><p>I have truly tried to be the constant in her life...but it is never enough to fill the emptiness inside of her, it is like a hole that can't be filled... Even her therapist said she takes all her hurts and disappointments and tries to dump them on others, but she just gathers the hurts up again until she has to dump it on someone else again.</p><p></p><p>I would gladly take the hurt from her if I could...but it just keeps growing.</p><p></p><p>KSM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 699505, member: 12511"] Our Difficult Child just turned 18 this year and graduated from high school...barely. Although she is out of our house, she still relies on us a lot. As I said earlier, we are stepping back and trying not to be as involved in the past. But her car broke down almost a month ago...so we gave her rides to and from her overnight shift as a CNA, but we wouldn't hand over the car. Her dads girlfriend loaned her a vehicle with strict instructions not to drive it out of town...just for work. She did pay for the first repair, but then it needed more work and was waiting on parts. So Friday she asked to borrow our car to drive to a nearby town for a friend's baby shower. We said ok with a time frame and $1.00 for every 10 miles. It should have been about 30 miles. She put on over 60. When she dropped the car off, she had a friend with her, a 17yo female who was supposedly spending the night with her. Difficult Child has been covering for this underage girl, letting her parents think she is staying with her, but she drops the girl off at her boyfriends house. So, no more driving our car and not being honest about what she is doing. Difficult Child tried to borrow $200 from little sister...she didn't give her any. We don't know why she wanted $200. Then she asked for $5 for gas... Probably to take this teen home the next day, but little sis didn't budge. So now she owes us $26... $6 for mileage...$20 for funds we loaned her during the state fair because "her debit card isn't working today and the credit union is closed for the weekend". One week later, she still never went to the CU. the card probably didn't work because there is no money in her account til payday. Which is today. By the first week in November she will owe $500 for car insurance. I added my name to her account because it cut her payments in half. And the ins person assured me since it is a separate account, it won't affect the policy my husband and I have. If she can't pay force 6 month balance when it is due, I am taking my name off the account, and she will have to pay $180 a month for liability. It's easy to say "it's none of your business" but it is hard to get to the part where they don't still rely on you to help out. She will take it as being abandoned and unloved. It is an issue we have dealt with since we got custody. She is very needy and gets upset if she feels she has been slighted. And she feels slighted most the time. It's not fair to get the same amount of gifts or cash as her sister... Because she is older, she deserves and needs to have more than little sis... That is the type of reasoning she is stuck with. It isnt fair...unless she has more... Some how having more makes her feel better or superior. It is a tough place to parent from..,especially since biomom has been in jail on $250,000 bond for armed robbery...she feels like no one cares about her...not us, because we still have little sis, not her dad, as he has a girlfriend...not her mom because she had drugs be the main focus in her life. I have truly tried to be the constant in her life...but it is never enough to fill the emptiness inside of her, it is like a hole that can't be filled... Even her therapist said she takes all her hurts and disappointments and tries to dump them on others, but she just gathers the hurts up again until she has to dump it on someone else again. I would gladly take the hurt from her if I could...but it just keeps growing. KSM [/QUOTE]
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