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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752006" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Daisy</p><p></p><p>Of course this is hard. And with your parents undermining you, it's harder.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult. Adults in our society who have their own families typically set up an independent household. Of course there are people who share households, but that is typically a voluntary, consensual thing, where everybody shares responsibilities and/or expenses.</p><p></p><p>In your case, there is nothing voluntary or consensual about the arrangement. It appears that your daughter utilizes the services of anybody she can. It appears she does not contribute much. It appears as if her presence is burdensome and puts a damper on others in the household.</p><p></p><p>Such is the case for most of us here whose adult children live with us.</p><p></p><p>I believe that our primary responsibility is to dependent children who are living at home with their parents. Because they are too young to live independently. They need us. They need our support. They need the environment we provide. We are obligated to provide an environment that sustains and protects them. Your adult daughter has options. There are services and there is housing and there is substantial aid available to mothers with dependent children. You are NOT her only resource.</p><p></p><p>It is your obligation to consider your other children, first. However it is also our obligation to consider the children who bring us to this site. </p><p></p><p>I think it is in the interest of those children to stand on their own feet, to the extent that they are able. You are not talking about throwing her out. You are talking about supporting her to establish herself as independent.</p><p></p><p>What your parents do and what they arrange for her if they do, is really not your business. "Friends" of mine took in my own son after I asked him to leave when he was 23. For over two years they housed him. I believe this hurt him but I have to say it made me less scared.</p><p></p><p>But what can we do?</p><p></p><p>I suggest you post as much as you can. That's how I have gotten through times like these.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to you. I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752006, member: 18958"] Hi Daisy Of course this is hard. And with your parents undermining you, it's harder. Your daughter is an adult. Adults in our society who have their own families typically set up an independent household. Of course there are people who share households, but that is typically a voluntary, consensual thing, where everybody shares responsibilities and/or expenses. In your case, there is nothing voluntary or consensual about the arrangement. It appears that your daughter utilizes the services of anybody she can. It appears she does not contribute much. It appears as if her presence is burdensome and puts a damper on others in the household. Such is the case for most of us here whose adult children live with us. I believe that our primary responsibility is to dependent children who are living at home with their parents. Because they are too young to live independently. They need us. They need our support. They need the environment we provide. We are obligated to provide an environment that sustains and protects them. Your adult daughter has options. There are services and there is housing and there is substantial aid available to mothers with dependent children. You are NOT her only resource. It is your obligation to consider your other children, first. However it is also our obligation to consider the children who bring us to this site. I think it is in the interest of those children to stand on their own feet, to the extent that they are able. You are not talking about throwing her out. You are talking about supporting her to establish herself as independent. What your parents do and what they arrange for her if they do, is really not your business. "Friends" of mine took in my own son after I asked him to leave when he was 23. For over two years they housed him. I believe this hurt him but I have to say it made me less scared. But what can we do? I suggest you post as much as you can. That's how I have gotten through times like these. Welcome to you. I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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