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Deal Breakers?
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 466342" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry. I'm also sorry to say that I wouldn't call what you described as an "emotional affair". It sounds like more of a full blown out virtual affair. </p><p></p><p>My husband had one of those. Did not involve all the aspects you mentioned. *MAY* have for one night crossed over to the real world - I don't know for a fact and never will, but know the possibility for it was there. (yes, sometimes a healthy dose of denial is what we need to get through the day, so let's just let that "sleeping dog" lay). From the time it was identified to the time it 100% ended was about 6 months. Took another 6 months for husband to really get how wrong it was. Took another year for me to be able to trust him again and stop checking all of his accounts.</p><p></p><p>How long has it been for you? Is he at least giving you full disclosure - passwords to social media, IM, whatever he used?</p><p></p><p>Romanticism is not something all men can achieve. I knew this about husband and accepted it, and treasured the once a year comments that were non-traditionally romantic. (If you know country music at all kinda like "Check you for ticks" type of romantic) If he's that type of guy, you do have to accept it, BUT there are things he CAN do in place of traditional romanticism, that qualify. The simplest that comes to mind is making you dinner and lighting a candle. Shoot! It can even be barbecuing and then cozying up around a fire pit. You are looking to respark and rekindle, right? Think back to what he did when you were dating, that made you fall for him. Remind him of those things. Also, while were struggling to rebuild, I became *more* of what he needed as well as acting *more* the way I wanted HIM to act. One day I impulsively bought a bouquet of flowers for HIM. Of course, I wanted them, but presented them to HIM. To my surprise he actually teared up. No one had EVER given him flowers.</p><p></p><p>Long story short, we did get through. But our marriage still fell apart anyway. Cheating was a part of that falling apart, and I knew it the second his passwords changed and were not stored in 'cookies' whenever available.</p><p></p><p>The best advice is the good old Dear Abby gold standard. Are you better off with or without him? The answer to that question can help you better gauge how much time and effort you want to put into this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 466342, member: 11965"] ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry. I'm also sorry to say that I wouldn't call what you described as an "emotional affair". It sounds like more of a full blown out virtual affair. My husband had one of those. Did not involve all the aspects you mentioned. *MAY* have for one night crossed over to the real world - I don't know for a fact and never will, but know the possibility for it was there. (yes, sometimes a healthy dose of denial is what we need to get through the day, so let's just let that "sleeping dog" lay). From the time it was identified to the time it 100% ended was about 6 months. Took another 6 months for husband to really get how wrong it was. Took another year for me to be able to trust him again and stop checking all of his accounts. How long has it been for you? Is he at least giving you full disclosure - passwords to social media, IM, whatever he used? Romanticism is not something all men can achieve. I knew this about husband and accepted it, and treasured the once a year comments that were non-traditionally romantic. (If you know country music at all kinda like "Check you for ticks" type of romantic) If he's that type of guy, you do have to accept it, BUT there are things he CAN do in place of traditional romanticism, that qualify. The simplest that comes to mind is making you dinner and lighting a candle. Shoot! It can even be barbecuing and then cozying up around a fire pit. You are looking to respark and rekindle, right? Think back to what he did when you were dating, that made you fall for him. Remind him of those things. Also, while were struggling to rebuild, I became *more* of what he needed as well as acting *more* the way I wanted HIM to act. One day I impulsively bought a bouquet of flowers for HIM. Of course, I wanted them, but presented them to HIM. To my surprise he actually teared up. No one had EVER given him flowers. Long story short, we did get through. But our marriage still fell apart anyway. Cheating was a part of that falling apart, and I knew it the second his passwords changed and were not stored in 'cookies' whenever available. The best advice is the good old Dear Abby gold standard. Are you better off with or without him? The answer to that question can help you better gauge how much time and effort you want to put into this. [/QUOTE]
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