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Deal Breakers?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mamaof5" data-source="post: 466379"><p>I have to, in his defense, at least tell you all what he has done to help the recovery process. When I do want to talk about the affair and ask questions. He answers all of them immediately without side stepping or diminishing it. He comforts when I cry. He's taken to telling me how good I look, how much he likes my smell and communicating the little things he notices (make up, hair done a certain way, he loves pig tails, what I do that comforts him).</p><p></p><p>He even has taken to sharing intimate details about his childhood (his thoughts on his dad I never knew about before, floored me), things he remembers about growing up he never told me before. He even cooks for me and took over the laundry too. In fact, just this past Sunday he made his all famous nacho chips with salsa and we sat down to a movie together at home. We've set a date night for the 23rd of this month (we are tightly budgeted and this is the only day we can spare some extra - he wants to go grab a bite to eat and play pool like we used to). He cut off all ties with the other person. He has patiently taken my wrath and b!tch fests about what happened.</p><p></p><p>He has sent me little one liners occasionally like mother's day and the other day in response to something I shared with him. He'll comment verbally instead of email or facebook message. Honestly, most of what's happening now is left over clean up. Oh and Im not holding my breath for date night because...well actions are louder than words and I've been waiting for 9 months for it so I don't hold high hopes for it until it actually happens.</p><p></p><p>When something does come up he seems very distant about it and cold. Like I'm a party pooper or something. I think he's still stuck in grieving the feel of the affair (how it made him feel) or what the counsellors coin as "Affair Fog".</p><p></p><p>As for cardiac issues, they started in January a little after d-day. I'm starting to wonder if he blames himself for it and maybe InsaneCdn has a point. I think he's punishing himself for the grief and remorse he feels, the shame he feels for how he hurt me. I know he's feeling a lot of shame because I complimented him the other day several times and he said he isn't really in the frame of mind for being complimented (it was a tone that said he didn't think he deserved it).</p><p></p><p>I think he's expecting me to get over it faster than what I am...he doesn't mean for that expectation to hurt me or to be disrespectful but just like I can't help feeling hurt I think he can't help what to expect and what not to expect out of all of this because he doesn't know what the norm is.</p><p></p><p>I think he's punishing himself but not realizing he's punishing me indirectly at the same time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mamaof5, post: 466379"] I have to, in his defense, at least tell you all what he has done to help the recovery process. When I do want to talk about the affair and ask questions. He answers all of them immediately without side stepping or diminishing it. He comforts when I cry. He's taken to telling me how good I look, how much he likes my smell and communicating the little things he notices (make up, hair done a certain way, he loves pig tails, what I do that comforts him). He even has taken to sharing intimate details about his childhood (his thoughts on his dad I never knew about before, floored me), things he remembers about growing up he never told me before. He even cooks for me and took over the laundry too. In fact, just this past Sunday he made his all famous nacho chips with salsa and we sat down to a movie together at home. We've set a date night for the 23rd of this month (we are tightly budgeted and this is the only day we can spare some extra - he wants to go grab a bite to eat and play pool like we used to). He cut off all ties with the other person. He has patiently taken my wrath and b!tch fests about what happened. He has sent me little one liners occasionally like mother's day and the other day in response to something I shared with him. He'll comment verbally instead of email or facebook message. Honestly, most of what's happening now is left over clean up. Oh and Im not holding my breath for date night because...well actions are louder than words and I've been waiting for 9 months for it so I don't hold high hopes for it until it actually happens. When something does come up he seems very distant about it and cold. Like I'm a party pooper or something. I think he's still stuck in grieving the feel of the affair (how it made him feel) or what the counsellors coin as "Affair Fog". As for cardiac issues, they started in January a little after d-day. I'm starting to wonder if he blames himself for it and maybe InsaneCdn has a point. I think he's punishing himself for the grief and remorse he feels, the shame he feels for how he hurt me. I know he's feeling a lot of shame because I complimented him the other day several times and he said he isn't really in the frame of mind for being complimented (it was a tone that said he didn't think he deserved it). I think he's expecting me to get over it faster than what I am...he doesn't mean for that expectation to hurt me or to be disrespectful but just like I can't help feeling hurt I think he can't help what to expect and what not to expect out of all of this because he doesn't know what the norm is. I think he's punishing himself but not realizing he's punishing me indirectly at the same time. [/QUOTE]
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