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Deal Breakers?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 466474" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>in my opinion what matters isn't what I think. It is what you FEEL. Clearly you feel it is a problem, so it is. Period. Doesn't matter that I don't actually care if my husband goes to dinner with any of his exes. I don't have reason to not trust him. Matter of fact, a few months after he married one of his exes invited us to dinner. I didn't go. I knew her, not when they were together, didn't dislike her but didn't find her an interesting person. They went, he came home to me, nothing wrong happened. </p><p></p><p>It was okay wtih ME. In the context fo my relationship.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you need to force counselling. It isn't easy. He may not ever admit it helped. It probably will even if he doesn't admit it. How do I know? My mom forced my dad to go. Back in the early 80's when it was something you hid, at least where we lived. She had never threatened him with divorce, it was the first time (according to them both years later, so I believe it). My mother promises, she doesn't threaten on things like that. So they went, for months. I went maybe 2 times, gfgbro probably 6 because how he acted and they reacted was a big part of the problem. Years later, like 2 years ago, my father admitted that while he hated going, and resented it the entire time, it did make him think and he drew on what he learned back then for years. Even though he acted like a big baby about some of it (I won't, you can't make me stupid stuff), it still helped.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion if you don't get counseling TOGETHER, you are either not going to stay together or you are going to continue to be upset and it will tear at the foundation even more than the affair did. Not admitting it was a relationship is a way to minimize it and make you feel like the bad guy. You are not. Earning trust once broken is long and hard, and in my opinion this is NOT a good step for him to take. Doesn't matter that I don't care that my husband talks to his exes once in a while. It does matter that YOU have reason to distrust him, and he is again breaking your trust and not respecting you. </p><p></p><p>Period.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 466474, member: 1233"] in my opinion what matters isn't what I think. It is what you FEEL. Clearly you feel it is a problem, so it is. Period. Doesn't matter that I don't actually care if my husband goes to dinner with any of his exes. I don't have reason to not trust him. Matter of fact, a few months after he married one of his exes invited us to dinner. I didn't go. I knew her, not when they were together, didn't dislike her but didn't find her an interesting person. They went, he came home to me, nothing wrong happened. It was okay wtih ME. In the context fo my relationship. in my opinion you need to force counselling. It isn't easy. He may not ever admit it helped. It probably will even if he doesn't admit it. How do I know? My mom forced my dad to go. Back in the early 80's when it was something you hid, at least where we lived. She had never threatened him with divorce, it was the first time (according to them both years later, so I believe it). My mother promises, she doesn't threaten on things like that. So they went, for months. I went maybe 2 times, gfgbro probably 6 because how he acted and they reacted was a big part of the problem. Years later, like 2 years ago, my father admitted that while he hated going, and resented it the entire time, it did make him think and he drew on what he learned back then for years. Even though he acted like a big baby about some of it (I won't, you can't make me stupid stuff), it still helped. in my opinion if you don't get counseling TOGETHER, you are either not going to stay together or you are going to continue to be upset and it will tear at the foundation even more than the affair did. Not admitting it was a relationship is a way to minimize it and make you feel like the bad guy. You are not. Earning trust once broken is long and hard, and in my opinion this is NOT a good step for him to take. Doesn't matter that I don't care that my husband talks to his exes once in a while. It does matter that YOU have reason to distrust him, and he is again breaking your trust and not respecting you. Period. [/QUOTE]
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