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Dear Birth Mom...
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<blockquote data-quote="therese005us" data-source="post: 281042" data-attributes="member: 7416"><p>I have come into this late and I feel that at age 11, pre pubescent, it is probably a difficult age. I think that reintroducing bio mum into the picture at this point would make things very difficult for all of you, and probably give her some 'ideas'.</p><p>My advice would be to let her know that as the adoption was a legal adoption, bio mum doesn't actually have any legal rights at this point and that legally, she herself could be crossing the lines of privacy of the bio mum. therefore, you could take the line that until she is 21 years (or 18, whichever is your case) you are under no obigation to make a contact. </p><p>You could make suggestions about 'letters, etc.' maybe keeping a journal of her feellings for her bio mum, etc. that she could mail to her when she turns 18, prior to making a full contact.</p><p> </p><p>You could help her make a 'life album' of photos, memorabilia etc. like graduation programs, certificates etc. to give to her, so that when they do have contact, she has something to show her.</p><p> </p><p>talk to her about why her bio mum gave her up for adoption, that probably she loved her very much and was reluctant to give her up, but felt she couldn't care for her well enough. How lucky you felt to be the chosen mum, and how thankful you are to her bio mum for allowing you to be her mum. </p><p> </p><p>I think this will blow over, and things will be back to normal eventually. I know how hurtful this might be for you, rocking your security and emotions.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs and prayers to you.... you're a great mum and I'm sure your little girl realises this, she's just testing the boundaries.</p><p> </p><p>I think it would be best to be honest, about the mail, and maybe decorate a special 'mail box' with your daughter that she can 'post' her letters into, knowing they won't get to bio mum straightaway.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="therese005us, post: 281042, member: 7416"] I have come into this late and I feel that at age 11, pre pubescent, it is probably a difficult age. I think that reintroducing bio mum into the picture at this point would make things very difficult for all of you, and probably give her some 'ideas'. My advice would be to let her know that as the adoption was a legal adoption, bio mum doesn't actually have any legal rights at this point and that legally, she herself could be crossing the lines of privacy of the bio mum. therefore, you could take the line that until she is 21 years (or 18, whichever is your case) you are under no obigation to make a contact. You could make suggestions about 'letters, etc.' maybe keeping a journal of her feellings for her bio mum, etc. that she could mail to her when she turns 18, prior to making a full contact. You could help her make a 'life album' of photos, memorabilia etc. like graduation programs, certificates etc. to give to her, so that when they do have contact, she has something to show her. talk to her about why her bio mum gave her up for adoption, that probably she loved her very much and was reluctant to give her up, but felt she couldn't care for her well enough. How lucky you felt to be the chosen mum, and how thankful you are to her bio mum for allowing you to be her mum. I think this will blow over, and things will be back to normal eventually. I know how hurtful this might be for you, rocking your security and emotions. Hugs and prayers to you.... you're a great mum and I'm sure your little girl realises this, she's just testing the boundaries. I think it would be best to be honest, about the mail, and maybe decorate a special 'mail box' with your daughter that she can 'post' her letters into, knowing they won't get to bio mum straightaway.:happy: [/QUOTE]
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